The Real Problem – Part 2

SO……. what is the REAL Problem?

Last week we learned that most often the actual “problem” is not a problem at all.

We started the discussion on

Circumstances verses Thoughts

Remember, circumstances are the facts of any given situation. They are the “Math”.

When circumstances happen around us and then our brains add meaning to those circumstances, that meaning is what I refer to as thoughts.

Thoughts are the “Drama” or “Story” in the situation. And thoughts are OPTIONAL!

And remember that it is our thoughts that are the reasons for our feelings. Any emotion you are having is because of the thinking, the meaning that you are adding to your circumstances.

So if we follow the examples we started with to learn about circumstances let’s look at some possible thoughts and feelings that may arise.

Circumstance – The weather = the actual temperature on the thermometer – It is 109 degrees outside

Thought A – It’s miserable hot outside today and I have so much to do!

Feeling – dread

OR…….

Thought B – What a beautiful Day!!

Feeling – Joy


Circumstance – The traffic = the number of cars present moving at a particular rate of speed on specific roads

Thought A – This is taking forever!! I’m going to be late for work!

Feeling – Frustration

OR….

Thought B – This might be a while. I have time to call my sister!

Feeling – Efficient


Circumstance – Other people’s behavior = words they say or actions they take/don’t take in specific situations

Thought A – That was so rude of her!!

Feeling – Defensive

OR…..

Thought B – I wonder if she is doing okay? That’s not usually like her.

Feeling – Curious


Circumstance – The amount of money in your bank account = $X in my account

Thought A – I’m not good with money. When will I ever figure this out?

Feeling – Irresponsible

OR…..

Thought B – Good thing I have been budgeting this month

Feeling – Empowered


Circumstance – Our weight/number on the scale = the amount of gravitational pull on the mass of my body at any given moment

Thought A – I will never lose weight! Something is wrong with me.

Feeling – Shame

OR…..

Thought B – Well that math adds up. Good thing my body is still working for me.

Feeling – Acceptance

The traffic isn’t what is making me frustrated, but what I am thinking about the traffic that is fueling that emotion.

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.


All of the thinking that happens in our brain automatically without me even having to direct it, determines whether I feel happy about the circumstance, or if I am upset or even if I am just neutral about the circumstance. I just need to be aware that it isn’t the circumstance itself that is what makes me feel that way. It is the thoughts that I am having that drives those feelings. The traffic isn’t what is making me frustrated, but what I am thinking about the traffic that is fueling that emotion.

So next week, in the final segment of “The REAL Problem” we will look at thoughts and what they are trying to do for us. How is our brain serving us and protecting us? We don’t have to be judgmental of our thoughts, but we can just become aware of the distinction between our thoughts and our circumstances. In that awareness, we can begin to see how they are optional. And maybe we will choose to be more intentional about our thoughts if that is what we want. Maybe we won’t. But as we become more aware, it becomes more of a choice for us.

If you want to visit with me and take a look at some of your circumstances and thoughts, click on the “Contact Me” button and send me an email. Or you can click the “Schedule a Consult” button to have a free introductory coaching consult with me.

And remember….. It’s ALL good! 🙂

Published by mrkeil

I help women face the overwhelm of parenting, family and multiple schedules, let go of the shame and people-pleasing perfectionism they place on themselves as women of faith, and create a life they love with intention and purpose. I can help you find your own answers for any problem, reach for any goal, and discover how to be more of yourself as you learn tools to use your own gifts to strengthen yourself emotionally, physically, intellectually and spiritually. In choosing to design your life and live into compassion and lessen the guilt and judgment, you can teach your family to do the same. Find the real you by showing up authentically for yourself and the ones you love. And remember... It's ALL good!!!

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