It was nearly imperceptible the way the world went from “dark” to “light”. Perhaps that was because the light was not the light I was used to or even the light I wanted. And yet it was not “dark”.
The reality of being a human and living with other humans, is that there are parts of life that are painful. There’s no way to avoid it, but what is avoidable is the additional suffering that we add on. Knowing the difference can cause a shift out of unnecessary worry and rumination; shame and blame. Understanding these two types of emotional pain can help you live a more peaceful life.
Although these bricks still weigh me down I can notice them, and begin to question if I need to keep carrying them over time.
I am sure there are bricks that I am not even aware of yet. And that’s okay. I can regularly do this exercise and discover the bricks that are there, finding new ones, releasing more and more over time.
As long as I continue to stay aware, I can simply trust that when those bricks are ready to be released they will become heavy enough to get my attention. I will become aware of those bricks as I am meant to.
So why am I telling you all of this?
Because on that day in 2001 I didn’t think I would survive. I couldn’t see how that was possible given the events that had transpired. The emotions were overwhelming.
But I did survive. I survived the first 21 minutes. Then 21 hours. Then 21 days. Then 21 weeks. Then 21 months. Then 21 seasons. Then 21 years. I am still surviving. But I can do more than just survive.
And even though I don’t do it perfectly, that’s okay. It continues to be a work in progress. I have learned how to allow feelings. All the feelings.
Love, joy, frustration, anger, madness, happiness, wonder, guilt, sorrow, sympathy, compassion, regret, agony, grief, fascination, awe, sadness, disappointment, tenderness, kindness, worry, confusion, gratitude, empathy, anxiety, depression, relief, contentment, resentment, bitterness, hopelessness, peace, comfort, safety, powerlessness, despair, blessed, protected, alone, silently supported, heartbroken, renewed, hopeful…… and on and on and on.
Mental weight is an accumulation of those things that “weigh” on your mind. This could include things such as what you are worried about, procrastinating on, and feeling anxious towards.