So our final piece to the REAL problem…. after Part 1, and Part 2…..
…… if our circumstances are just neutral, and the real problem is what we are thinking about our circumstance, and if it’s what we are thinking that triggers our emotions, why is that the REAL problem?
It can become problematic when we don’t look at our thoughts or examine the feelings those thoughts are creating. And the only reason it might be any type of problem is because it is those feelings that fuel all of our actions. Those actions (or inactions) are what create our results.
So we can think that it is the circumstance causing our problems or “making” us “feel” a certain way, but it is really our thinking. Our thoughts are always what is creating our feelings (it’s never our circumstance).
As human beings what we are really wanting is to feel good.
And on the flip side, the only thing we are trying to avoid is a negative feeling.
When we learn to recognize that it is our thoughts that create our feelings the world can open up for you. You become able to feel whatever you want, anytime you want, if you pay attention!!
And now we can look at why we might think some of those thoughts.
How is our brain serving us and protecting us?
If we find ourselves in a circumstance that we think of as challenging or new, we may encounter some negative feelings. If our brain tells us, “You can’t do it. You should quit now,” it could be a way of protecting us from those negative feelings. If we fear the feeling of failure or disappointment from a less than desirable outcome, our brain tells us that quitting or “failing ahead of time” will hurt less and therefore keep us safe.
If we think that the way someone treated us is what is causing the negative feelings, then our brain tries to convince us that they are the problem and we have no control over the situation. But that also is not true.
When we learn to examine our thoughts and take responsibility for our own emotions we can gain the emotional intelligence for success.
Becoming aware of the distinction between our thoughts and our circumstances as an observer, with curiosity allows us the opportunity to release the judgement. In that awareness maybe we will choose to be more intentional about our thoughts if that is what we want. Maybe we won’t. But as we become more aware, it becomes more of a choice for us.
So the summary of the REAL problem…….
CIRCUMSTANCES
Trigger
THOUGHTS
Creates
FEELINGS
Now that we can see what the REAL problem is, next week we will look at how to discover solutions to the problem.
If you are interested in finding your solutions with me just “Contact Me” and send me a quick email. Or you can “Schedule a Consult” to get started.
Remember…….It’s ALL good!
When we learn to examine our thoughts and take responsibility for our own emotions we can gain the emotional intelligence for success.
I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.
Michelle Keil Coaching 