Back To School – Going To School vs Becoming Educated

Throughout the month, lots of kids across the U.S. are heading back to school.

For some of us here in Arizona we are in week 5 of school. That’s halfway through the first quarter!

In theory, school is a place where we receive an education or training. This is how we learn or gain knowledge in particular areas.

Nelson Mandela has said, “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”

So why is school or learning so important?

And how is school different from being educated?

In school you receive instruction, study materials and take tests to gauge your understanding or comprehension of the materials. That’s how you “get good grades”. Good grades are often held as societal measures for your educational success.

But what about when you perform well on tests and then forget the materials you studied? Is that education?

And can we be educated without formal schooling?

I love the thought that true education is our ability to learn how to learn.

For me, I believe we are designed to continue learning and developing throughout our lives. Doctrine and Covenants 93:36 states, “The glory of God is intelligence, or, in other words, light and truth.”

Sometimes the word intelligence is misinterpreted to mean academic skill or ability. However the dictionary definition of intelligence is, “the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.”

And the American Psychological Association in their Dictionary of Psychology defines intelligence as, “the ability to derive information, learn from experience, adapt to the environment, understand, and correctly utilize thought and reason.”

So if we are developing our intelligence, and seeking light and truth, how do we learn to recognize truth?

One definition of truth “is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come.”(D&C 93:24)

The scriptures teach us to seek learning by study and by faith (see D&C 88:118).

So if intelligence is the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills, wouldn’t that lead us to more knowledge and skill? I believe, yes.

How do we do that by study and by faith?

The “by study” seems pretty simple. We can learn from those who know more than we know and increase our knowledge that way.

That might be in the form of formal instruction or it could come in other forms. Maybe it is online instruction. Maybe it is self-directed video or audio learning. Maybe it is reading and learning from the text. It can look lots of different ways.

But what about “by faith”? For me there are questions and knowledge that I can’t truly learn from someone else. Some things I have to learn for myself. Some things I have learned from experience and from a higher source.

As we read Hebrews 11:1 it teaches us that “faith is the substance (or in other translations the assurance) of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (KJV)

Elder David A. Bednar talked about the three basic elements of faith in Jesus Christ in this way:

“(1) faith as the assurance of things hoped for that are true, (2) faith as the evidence of things not seen, and (3) faith as the principle of action in all intelligent beings.”

“I describe these three components of faith in the Savior as simultaneously facing the future, looking to the past, and initiating action in the present.”

Sometimes the word intelligence is misinterpreted to mean academic skill or ability. However the dictionary definition of intelligence is, “the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.”

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

CONTACT ME
ABOUT ME
SCHEDULE A CONVERSATION


But what about “faith”? For me there are questions and knowledge that I can’t truly learn from someone else. Some things I have to learn for myself. Some things I have learned from experience and from a higher source.

“Assurance, action, and evidence influence each other in an ongoing process. This helix is like a coil, and as it spirals upward it expands and widens. These three elements of faith—assurance, action, and evidence—are not separate and discrete; rather, they are interrelated and continuous and cycle upward.” “Seek Learning by Faith” (Ensign, Sept. 2007, 61–63).

Since I am “behind” this month on posting, this is like 3 weeks of perspective combined together.

For me, the spiritual form of learning is seen in the “by faith” form that we discussed. It allows us to tap into our natural wisdom and for me my relationship with a Higher power. That learning offers comfort in difficult times and allows me the chance to find inner strength and resilience. It helps me to increase my emotional intelligence as I learn to show compassion, empathy and gratitude for myself and for the people around me. It helps me to see the shared humanity with the millions and billions of people in the world around me.

The physical learning comes in the act of learning. That could be by study or by faith. But learning requires a physical engagement on my part. As I participate in the act of learning I develop other skills such as discipline and persistence. I learn the value of hard work and overcoming challenges. I can see and come to understand my own personal growth and development.

The social piece of learning comes into play as we learn and see the benefits of education on our society. Education in society leads to more employment opportunities, higher incomes, improving the collective economy, developing problem-solving skills, creating opportunities for family stability and a prosperous life and future, as well as developing empowerment in ourselves and those around us. In these ways we are able to shape a better society to live in as we learn how to interact with different people to exchange ideas and knowledge.

I love learning and truly believe this is one of the greatest gifts we have been given. It is an innate desire to grow learn and become more. Not out of a need to be better or to “fix” what we might be lacking, but simply because we were created to evolve and progress. And as we progress individually we can progress collectively as well. Just look at the advances that have occurred in just the past 100 years!

I LOVE learning!!! Send me a message and tell me the ways that you continue learning. Do you learn more by “study” or by “faith” or a combination of the two? Let me know by clicking the link to “Contact Me”. Share with me how you continue to develop this relationship and what you find most challenging. Tell me what, if anything, you find difficult in learning. If you prefer, you can “Schedule a Conversation” for a free session to discuss what you want to learn for yourself and how to get started.

Remember…..It’s ALL good!!

“More Than A Body” a Book Review

I know that we are technically in a new month and therefore onto a new topic, but this is a topic that is very important to me and I couldn’t pass up the chance to share this book with you even if it is a little later than I planned.

I will be writing later this week on this month’s new topic as well so you can get excited about two blog posts in the same week! 🙂

In the area of intellectual growth and the relationship with my body one of the most influential books I have read this year is “More Than A Body” by Lindsay Kite PhD and Lexi Kite PhD. This is not an affiliate link, and I don’t gain anything from you buying this book other than the hope that this knowledge will spread and we can start to change the narrative we have around body image.

The subtitle of the book is “Your Body Is an Instrument, Not an Ornament”.

Lindsay and Lexi are sisters, and identical twins, who have studied body image resilience and work to help women recognize the harmful messages they receive in regards to their bodies, worth and potential.

The book has so many good points and it was so thought-provoking that I know it will be one that I find myself reading over and over.

To begin in the introduction they state, “Our feelings about and perceptions of our bodies – our body image – becomes warped into our feelings about how we appear to ourselves and others. We learn that the most important thing about women is their bodies, and the most important thing about women’s bodies is how they look.” (pg 3)

This self-objectification then becomes the water we swim in. Remember in a previous post the analogy of the fish, and the question, “What is water?”

Objectification, and more specifically self-objectification, is this “water” we are so accustomed to. It is this way of thinking and being that has become so normal we don’t even see it as an issue. The connection between body image and how we look and our personal value or worth are so intertwined that it is challenging to separate them.

Again from the introduction, “Positive body image isn’t believing your body looks good; it is knowing your body is good, regardless of how it looks.” (pg 7)

So how can we learn the body image resilience they are suggesting in the book? There are so many facets to how we can develop these skills. There will be ripple effects as we continue this work, not only for ourselves but for those around us as well.

The authors suggest one place to begin is in our relationship with media.

As you participate in media do you stop to consider who is profiting off of these items that we are sold as the “answers”? Do these people really have your health and well-being in mind or is it just their bottom line?

If it was your health more than “fixing” what society says is “wrong ” with you, would there be so many different anti-aging products? When did living longer become problematic? Or more specifically looking like we have lived longer?

Why do we feel the need to look “better than our age”? And who decides what our age should even look like?

Pay attention to the media influences in your life. How do they make you feel about yourself?

How do they make you feel about those around you?

What are you willing to do to fit into the everchanging standards that society set for us?

What if you could just be yourself?

There is so much I love about this book. I can’t recommend it enough!!

There is far too much for me to share in this short blog post but I will share some skills we can all learn to develop.

“Positive body image isn’t believing your body looks good; it is knowing your body is good, regardless of how it looks.”

“More Than A BOdy” by lindsay Kite PHD & Lexi Kite PhD
page 3
Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

CONTACT ME
ABOUT ME
SCHEDULE A CONVERSATION

“Achieving peace with our bodies through positive body image is the final frontier for too many women – the last and most stubborn barrier to our won confidence, fulfillment, power, and self-actualization.”

“More than a body”
page 293

Your Body Image Resilience Skill Set (Chapter 6)

  • See more in your disruptions

Disruptions in your body image will continue to happen. Get curious to see more in those disruptions. What is bringing up your body shame? What are you thinking and feeling? Name the disruptions and be more intentional in your chosen response.

  • See more in your world

Question the perceived ideals you may be holding around your body image. Look at what you may be able to create a better environment for your body image. Is there someone or something that you can take a break from? Are there ways you can create and contribute to helping others remember their worth outside of their bodies?

  • See more in yourself

Look inside yourself. Be honest about what you are thinking and why you are thinking it. Get curious about ways you might be able to see things differently. Tune into the greater purpose of your life and reconnect with who you really are and what you can do.

  • See more in each other

Be compassionate and recognize that we are all both guilty of and victim of society’s objectification lens. Extend kindness and be supportive to those around you.

  • See more in your health

Take back your power and see what fitness and health mean for you. Don’t judge health by size, weight, shape, or appearance. Rather measure health by what you can do, how you feel, and the internal measures of how your body is functioning.

  • See more in your self-help

When our self-help relies on how you are perceived by others it isn’t empowering or sustainable. Remember you can be in control of your own sense of self and you don’t need to delegate that to outside sources. No one can give you more value and no one can take it away.

These skills remind us that, “what we do today is setting the bar of beauty expectations not only for ourselves, but also for those who look to us to see what it means to look normal and acceptable, let alone beautiful.” (pg 307)

“Achieving peace with our bodies through positive body image is the final frontier for too many women – the last and most stubborn barrier to our won confidence, fulfillment, power, and self-actualization.” (pg 293)

This is the work I am doing for myself and helping others do. It is time that we as women see the value we have. And rather than comparing and despairing, we begin SHARING all our gifts, talents, skills, and abilities in ways that create a better world today and for the future.

Send me a message and tell me your thoughts about the book. Have you read it? Do you agree or disagree with their conclusions. How did it influence the relationship you have with your body? Let me know by clicking the link to “Contact Me”. Share with me how you continue to develop this relationship and what you find most challenging. Tell me what, if anything, you would like to be different in your relationship. If you prefer, you can “Schedule a Conversation” for a free session to discuss what you want to work towards and how to get started.

Remember…..It’s ALL good!!

Something to Talk About

What does your relationship with your body have to do with your social life?

Remember in my introductory post outlining my new ‘structure’ for my blog I noted that social would also include mental and emotional health as well.

So in that context especially, your relationship with your body is directly affected by “social” influences.

I don’t want to discount how this relationship develops or evolves for men, but I have very little first-hand information about that topic. My focus will be on ways I have seen this relationship develop for girls and women, or those socialized as women, including my own relationship evolution.

It is only recently that I have taken the time to research this topic more for myself. What I have learned and continue to learn has been enlightening, frustrating, and shocking. But if I can become more aware and educated, I can share that knowledge and perhaps a ripple effect can begin to make a change.

It is one of the reasons I want to help women who are struggling with body image. It is a struggle that has taken more than its fair share of energy and brain power in my own life.

The analogy comes to mind that was shared by David Foster Wallace in his commencement speech to the graduating class at Kenyon College in 2005.

“There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes “What the hell is water?”

That is my experience with the “social” aspect of my relationship with my body.

The “water” in the relationship here is what society has fed women forever about their bodies.

The challenge is increased by the fact that societal standards around women seem to be ever-changing. It’s an unachievable target that leaves many of us constantly feeling that we will never be able to measure up in an acceptable fashion.

At one point in history women were the picture of health and recognized as being beautiful and wealthy because they were more curvaceous. Now we live in a world that pushes tolerance and inclusivity for everyone….unless you are in someway outside the sphere of ” typical” beauty. It could be weight, skin, hair,… who knows. But being outside of this “normal” is not to be accepted. It is a sliding scale of what is “okay” and should be tolerated.

So the waters that we swim in are the waters of objectification of our bodies both by the people around us, and by ourselves.

It is such a “normal” part of our lives that we don’t even stop to question whether it could be any different. I can find countless ways I am sold that I would be happier, healthier, or have more in my life if only I was stronger, thinner, taller, shorter, had longer lashes, the “right-sized” body proportions, better skin, no visible pores, the perfect nails, the right clothes, the right sized clothes, longer hair, shorter hair, curlier hair, straighter hair, no hair (except on my head), whiter teeth, brighter eyes, ……and on and on and on.

And when we add in the social piece of compare and despair it is always a losing battle.

I am comparing myself to someone else and I am either finding the ways that I am somehow superior (which leaves me feeling the judgment and criticism for them and inevitably myself) or I am the one not measuring up in other ways (more judgment).

But how could I ever measure up to something that more often than not is a fictitious standard to begin with? Makeup, procedures, camera angles, filters, Photoshop, and all the ways that media portrays the “idealized” standard of beauty make it impossible for us to replicate.

Until we decide that enough is enough, that beauty is in our diversity, and that our natural authentic selves are what make us each beautiful in our own ways, it will continue to be a struggle.

The challenge is increased by the fact that societal standards around women seem to be ever-changing. It’s an unachievable target that leaves many of us constantly feeling that we will never be able to measure up in an acceptable fashion.

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

CONTACT ME
ABOUT ME
SCHEDULE A CONVERSATION

Until we decide that enough is enough, that beauty is in our diversity, and that our natural authentic selves are what make us each beautiful in our own ways, it will continue to be a struggle.

And in that struggle is the opportunity to develop that relationship with ourselves; to discover who we truly are and what makes us uniquely beautiful.

Elenor Roosevelt said, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”

As a society we seem to have become all too concerned with discussing people and how they are or are not measuring up to the current standards of acceptable beauty; even when we are framing it in the context of a compliment.

How can we influence those around us to move forward in discussing ideas? How do we learn to shift the compliments we give others from their physical appearance to other traits and qualities that we admire?

As I continue to improve my relationship with my body I give others the space and grace to continue to develop the relationship they have with their bodies as well. When we engage in this work collectively we become a force for change in the future world that we create for generations that follow us.

Send me a message and tell me about your relationship with your body by clicking the link to “Contact Me”. Share with me how you nurture this relationship and what you find most challenging. Tell me what, if anything, you would like to be different in your relationship. If you prefer, you can “Schedule a Conversation” for a free session to discuss what you want to work towards and how to get started.

Remember…..It’s ALL good!!

My 53 Year Relationship

What is the longest relationship you have been in?

I was thinking about this recently and today I came to the realization that the longest relationship I have been in is 53 years today!!

That is because today is my birthday, and I am 53 years old. The relationship I am referring to is my relationship with my body.

Over the past 53 years this relationship has been in just about every stage you can imagine.

In her article, “The 5 Stages of A Relationship”, Linda Carroll, M.S., LMFT outlines these different stages as she sees them. And just like many things I have found that what I think of as a linear journey is, in fact, not linear at all.

We see in the movies and the majority of main-stream media that relationships start in the “meet-infatuation” stage, move through some challenges and obstacles and then arrive at our very own “happily -ever-after”.

And that would be fantastic if it were true for ANY of our relationships. But I have found that mostly this is just a nice storyline that can be wrapped up neatly in 30 mins to two-ish hours.

Reality is a little messier and more involved, and doesn’t seem to have a “arrival point” that signals success.

What has felt a little more true to me is similar to the “Five Stages of Intimacy” as outlined in a post by Vivian Baruch.

This is a little “meta” but I think of this as a relationship between my “physical” body and my mind and spirit. More specifically it is the way I THINK and FEEL about my “physical” body.

So what are these stages?

Stage One – The Honeymoon Phase

I am sure there had to have been a time in my life where I felt this way about my body. A time when I was feeling like there couldn’t be anything wrong in this relationship, like I was capable enough to achieve anything. My body was just as it should be and there was nothing wrong with me at all.

Unfortunately, I don’t really remember that phase of the relationship.

Stage Two – Conflict/Differentiation

This is when the honeymoon fades and you go from feeling you can do no wrong to feeling you can do no right.

In this phase, I went from being my biggest fan to being my worst critic.

I am sure it didn’t happen overnight but over time. Either way, an extensive amount of time has been spent in this phase.

Maybe it was fueled by the comparison to others around me and seeing how I did or did not measure up according to the ever-changing standards of beauty and fitness as I interpreted them.

Whatever it is that led to this, it has been a phase I have moved in and out of multiple times over the years. More often than not it has been the stage that I felt stuck in with no way out.

Stage 3 – Creating Partnership/Respecting Differences

This stage is about teamwork and deliberate practice. To quote the article, “a healthy expression of this freedom is “what’s good for me, has to be good for you and the relationship” too.”

What does that look like for a relationship with your body? For me it is a phase I have been more intentional about more recently.

It looks like making choices for my body because I want to treat it well rather than punishing it to reach some idealized standard that is unattainable. It is focusing on overall health and wellness more than numbers on a scale or the size on the tag.

That is not to say those numbers don’t matter. As long as those numbers remain informational rather than a moral judgment they can be helpful.

Stage 4 – Reconnecting/Rapprochement

This is a phase where I have finally learned to appreciate my body for its uniqueness and individuality. I know more clearly who I am. I have learned even more about what my body is capable of and what its purpose is. There is more acceptance of what is and the desire for change comes from the spirit of possibility more than an effort to earn acceptance.

This is a little “meta” but I think of this as a relationship between my “physical” body and my mind and spirit. More specifically it is the way I THINK and FEEL about my “physical” body.

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

CONTACT ME
ABOUT ME
SCHEDULE A CONVERSATION

At least now I can see it as a possibility not just a “fairytale” happily ever after. That in and of itself is progress from not so many years ago.

It is a process that is taking me time but all good relationships take time and effort. This is an important relationship for me because it colors and shades every other relationship that I have.

I believe that in this phase I can begin to feel more connection with what my body and my spirit truly need and how best to provide those things. This takes a willingness to ask and to pay attention to the response that may arise. Even after that, it takes a willingness to follow through on those responses.

I think currently I most often experience Stage 3 and occasionally move into Stage 4. It still feels unfamiliar to me but it no longer feels completely false.

Stage 5 – Mutual Interdependence

I can see this stage though it still seems off in the distance. It continues to be a work in progress, but for me, this stage is when I choose to do things because I have learned that the choices I make for my mental health directly affect my physical health and vice versa.

In this stage, I know that I am deeply loved, trusted, and respected….by me. I am still working towards this stage. That is what I want to continue to do for myself.

At least now I can see it as a possibility not just a “fairytale” happily ever after. That in and of itself is progress from not so many years ago.

It is a process that is taking me time but all good relationships take time and effort. This is an important relationship for me because it colors and shades every other relationship that I have.

I know that as I continue to develop my relationship with my body I can become more of my true self. When I am “good” within this relationship, it will require less time for me to think about myself freeing me up for more of what I want to create.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this!

Send me a message and tell me about your relationship with your body by clicking the link to “Contact Me”. Share with me how you nurture this relationship. Tell me what, if anything, you would like to be different in your relationship. If you prefer, you can “Schedule a Conversation” for a free session to discuss what you want to work towards and how to get started.

Remember…..It’s ALL good!!

Your Body and Spirituality

What is the relationship between your spirituality and your body?

Usually most people think of the physical body and the spiritual self as separate things. But what if we were to focus on the relationship between the two?

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin said,

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

In scripture (KJV) it tells us that our bodies are created in the image of God (Gen 9:6). It also calls the combination of the body and the spirit the soul (Gen 2:7)

In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul teaches about our bodies by comparing them to a temple. This was a way of teaching about the sacredness of our bodies and how they should be cared for.

In many religions, temples are places that are treated differently than other places of worship.

If our bodies are temples how should we treat them differently?

How do we think about them differently?

I did write about this a little bit previously when I was expressing the gratitude I have developed for my body over the years in a post back on November 27th of last year.

I have recently been able to teach a class about improving your physical and mental health to a few different audiences and we discussed the relationship of the the spirit and the body and the mind.

These are all parts that make up who you are, but they are not necessarily who you are. That’s confusing I know!

You ARE your spiritual self. That spiritual self has a body, and part of that body is your mind and thoughts.

I believe that one of the reasons we are here on earth is to learn how to manage and work with our physical body and mind as we come to know and recognize more and more of our spiritual selves.

Coming more into alignment with our spiritual selves gives us a greater ability to be grateful for and take care of our physical bodies. And being grateful for and taking care of our physical bodies helps us to come more into alignment with our spiritual selves. It is a symbiotic relationship.

The way we think about our spirit and body and the relationship between them is the foundation for the way we treat those bodies.

So if you are struggling with the relationship you currently have with your body start by getting curious.

What are the stories I have about my body?

What do I think would be better if it were different?

How did others around me talk about their bodies as I was growing up?

How has the way I have been thinking about my body been helpful or not so helpful throughout my life?

Our bodies allow us to “feel” the sensations and vibrations that are the physical signals of our emotions. I believe we are meant to learn through our emotions. Those lessons that have stronger emotional resonance for me have a more lasting effect.

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

CONTACT ME
ABOUT ME
SCHEDULE A CONVERSATION

You ARE your spiritual self. That spiritual self has a body, and part of that body is your mind and thoughts.

I believe that one of the reasons we are here on earth is to learn how to manage and work with our physical body and mind as we come to know and recognize more and more of our spiritual selves.

Today’s post is a little shorter because I want to go take care of my body. After being out of town for several days I came home and ended up not feeling well. I don’t get sick often, but I am finally learning that when I am sick I am allowed to take the time I need to rest and recover rather than pushing through or “soldiering on”.

If I stop and give myself time to care for my body my family will be okay…..the world will keep on revolving around the sun…..and I can let my body do what it is designed to do in taking care of itself.

That is just one way I can deepen the relationship I have between my body and my spirit. And it helps me come to better understand who I am. I hope to keep learning and growing as I continue deepening that relationship even more.

Tell me what you think about your body and its spiritual nature. “Contact Me” and send me a quick email. If you prefer, you can “Schedule a Conversation” for a free session to discuss what you want to work towards and how to get started.

Remember…..It’s ALL good!!

Goals and Sustainability – Intellectual

What even is a goal?

A goal is an idea of the future or desired result that a person or a group of people envision, plan, and commit to achieve.

How can we learn more about goals?

Google always has answers 🙂

But I prefer a more “old school” approach of reading (and sometimes listening to) books and articles written by others much smarter than I am.

A few of the books I have enjoyed have led me to believe that the sustainability of goals comes not in the big, grand actions we think are required to achieve a specific outcome but in our daily habits.

Author James Clear has written extensively on goal setting. I love his article entitled “Goal Setting: A Scientific Guide to Setting and Achieving Goals”.

In this article, he notes a strategy he learned from a friend, author Mark Manson, in which he asks a different question about goals and goal setting.

Often we begin by asking what we want to achieve and what success would look like. Clear proposes that what we should really be asking is, “What kind of pain do I want?”

Nearly all of us want to achieve the result of more money or finally losing weight, but are we willing to do what it takes to achieve those results? Are you willing to sacrifice what it takes to reach that end?

It is not just about the prize at the finish line but the cost of the endeavor overall.

And while goals are what determine the direction you are heading, it is the systems that you put into place to move you toward your goal that actually create your progress.

For example, I had a “goal” to run a marathon. The “system” I had to achieve the goal was a training program/schedule that lasted the entire year. I probably could have achieved my “goal” sooner but I knew that I had the time to work on my “system” for that long so it worked for me.

It is the system that you put into place that is actually how you achieve the goal. Habits are the microsystems that we can develop to move us toward our goals.

In his book, Atomic Habits, Clear says, “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” With systems in place, small 1% improvements will lead to remarkable results.

In the book Tiny Habits by B.J. Fogg, he shares his model for behavior change. Fogg suggests that for every behavior you need a trigger, or something that signals the behavior, along with ability and motivation. If one of those parts is not present the behavior will not be executed.

Clear and Fogg would agree on the idea of a trigger. And they both suggest “habit stacking”. This is the idea that you choose a cue that is something you already do and add your desired habit to that.

“After I brush my teeth, I will do 10 push-ups.”

“After I run out of something, I will add it to my shopping list.”

“After I step into the shower, I will take 3 deep breaths.”

Whatever triggers or cues you decide on, research shows that you are 2x or 3x more likely to stick to your goals if you make the action very specific.

Rather than saying I would train for a year to prepare for the marathon, I got specific. I would run 3 mornings each week after waking up, making my long runs on Saturdays when I had more time available. I added riding my bicycle two mornings a week for cross-training, leaving Wednesday and Sunday as rest days.

Knowing what days, what times, and how I would train took the ambiguity out of it so I had fewer decisions to make each day. It was already determined. I just needed to follow the plan.

Once you have a goal and a system in place, you can work on the boundaries within those systems. Maybe in the beginning you are doing something that takes less than two minutes as James Clear might suggest.

Maybe you are looking at the least amount of effort we are willing to offer.

” I will make at least 5 offers today.”

“I will call at least 3 new contacts each day.”

“I will lose at least 5 pounds this month.”

While these thresholds may get you started, the idea follows that if you can do more than the minimum, keep it going!

Clear suggests that along with the minimums in our systems, we should also put an upper boundary on our actions to avoid burnout and sustain our long-term growth.

Nearly all of us want to achieve the result of more money or finally losing weight, but are we willing to do what it takes to achieve those results? Are you willing to sacrifice what it takes to reach that end?

It is not just about the prize at the finish line but the cost of the endeavor overall.

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

CONTACT ME
ABOUT ME
SCHEDULE A CONVERSATION

Whatever triggers or cues you decide on, research shows that you are 2x or 3x more likely to stick to your goals if you make the action very specific.

Rather than saying I would train for a year to prepare for the marathon I got specific. I would run 3 mornings each week after waking up, making my longer runs on Saturdays when I hade more time available. I added riding my bicycle two mornings a week for cross training, leaving Wednesday and Sunday as rest days.

This is the area I made my mistakes in when I first decided to run a marathon nearly 15 years ago. I pushed myself to the point of injury and I could not sustain the training I was doing.

This last year I used an upper limit along with a lower threshold. I would run the suggested length of time, but if I wanted to do more I would add no more than 2 miles to the total distance. I wouldn’t add more training days only a little more distance.

This allows you to keep showing up which is especially vital in the beginning when the progress seems slow because as James Clear says, “If you don’t build the habit of showing up, then you’ll never have anything to improve in the future.”

Finally, I believe in the idea that what we measure improves. Karl Drucker said, “That which is measured improves. That which is measured and reported improves exponentially.” Even if it is only reported to ourselves.

Our brains love feedback. Measuring our progress can be one of the best motivators as we work toward our goals. It is the measuring that shows us how we are progressing. In my training I could measure the total distance, the pace I was running, the length of time I took for walking, how much I was drinking and eating for fuel, etc.

With all the data from the very beginning of my training, I could see how I was progressing as the year went on. When it came to race day, there was no question in my mind that I would achieve my goal because I had the data to prove it.

I really enjoy the science of goal setting and the studies that show the most effective practices for progress and long-term growth and sustainability. That is the type of results that really interests me.

It is not just the result that I can achieve, but more importantly, the person that I become along the journey. That is the purpose behind my goals for me: to see the person I can become in the process and discover what is possible for me.

So even if I don’t achieve the results I was after, there is always the benefit of growth and self-awareness along the way. I have not failed until I give up on the result. And in that awareness…..It’s ALL good!!

The Social Aspect of Goals and Sustainability

So how do we look at the social and emotional side of goals and sustainability?

I wanted to start by sharing my definition of mental health:

Mental health includes our social, emotional, and psychological well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make healthy choices.

So for me, when I am discussing the “Social” aspect of most things, this is the lens I am looking through.

Social includes the traditional concepts of relationships with others around me, as well as the relationship I have with myself.

A few ideas come to mind with the social frame of goal setting.

First, I think of goals and accountability. It would be fantastic if we were always so motivated by our goals that the lack of outside accountability had little to no effect.

In practice, however, there is a large number of us that do considerably better in our goals practice when we have external accountability.

I am grateful for the accountability groups that I belong to in many of my goals areas.

Last January I joined a group working on 1% Habits. Even though we each had differing goals we were able to support and encourage one another as we all worked on individual things.

In that group I connected with someone who also had a goal to increase workout consistency. We decided we would exchange numbers and keep in contact through our Apple watches and sharing our workouts.

Even though we have never met, we have been cheering each other on in our fitness efforts for over 500 days!

There were definitely days that I didn’t feel like doing what I had scheduled to do. But a small thought in my mind reminded me that “Jill” would know I didn’t do my workout. 🙂

I am sure that is partly because I tend to follow characteristics of what Gretchen Rubin terms an “Obliger”, or someone who meets outer expectations while struggling to meet inner expectations. I have a very well-developed fear of letting other people down.

I didn’t want to disappoint “Jill”. And seeing her notifications come through also motivated me to do my workouts as well.

We have become friends and I am grateful for her consistent encouragement and motivation. It has played a part in being able to show up for myself.

Accountability partners or groups don’t work for everyone but they can be a help if you are struggling to consistently do the things that move you towards your goal.

Second, the mental health piece of goal setting has changed the most for me over the past two years.

I have struggled to set goals as an adult because of the critical voice in my head that would get very loud when I didn’t accomplish my goals, or maybe I didn’t execute the goal “perfectly”.

This negative self-talk had me giving up on my goals to avoid the criticism that was sure to come. Failing ahead of time was a way to lessen the pain of failing to be perfect.

The irony is I still criticized myself for not following through, for not completing the things I thought I wanted. So I didn’t avoid the negative talk. It was just “less painful” because I didn’t fail per se, I just stopped trying.

Goal setting in the past has been my way of “fixing” the things that are wrong with me. Improving the areas that I am not measuring up to some elusive standard in my head. Working on my own mental health has helped me in my goal-setting and continued progress.

I am still a little resistant to setting the recommended SMART goals. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely.

I am improving and making my goals a little more specific. But part of my brain thinks the specifics are what makes it unattainable. If I were to keep it more vague, I wouldn’t know if I was missing the mark, and therefore wouldn’t have to be mean and critical of myself for “failing”.

Even though we have never met, we have been cheering each other on in our fitness efforts for over 500 days!

There were definitely days that I didn’t feel like doing what I had scheduled to do. But a small thought in my mind reminded me that “Jill” would know I didn’t do my workout. 🙂

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

CONTACT ME
ABOUT ME
SCHEDULE A CONVERSATION

Goal setting in the past has been my way of “fixing” the things that are wrong with me. Improving the areas that I am not measuring up to some elusive standard in my head. Working on my own mental health has helped me in my goal-setting and continued progress.

Measurable goals mean that perfection is possible. At least that is what my brain says. But if I am the one determining what is measured, I also get to determine what the measurements mean.

If perfection is the goal, then I am bound to fail. I am human, and perfection though it sounds pretty and wonderful, is an ever-moving target. That doesn’t mean I can’t work towards excellence. Being able to loosen my grasp on the idea of perfection gives me so much more room to grow and discover more about the things I truly want for myself, and why I want them.

Achievable, Realistic, and Timely I have grouped together because I find they are interrelated. When I have made goals that are unrealistic or placed a timeline on them that is hardly achievable it’s like I am setting myself up for failure from the start.

Why did I choose that timeline? Am I taking the rest of my life into consideration? Have I allowed time for personal rest and recovery? Or am I just planning to keep myself working on something from the time I wake up in the morning until I fall asleep at night? Is that even humanly possible?

When I come to my goal-setting practice with curiosity and compassion, when I remember that more often than not I am the one who just made up the deadlines, I am the only one that might be disappointed, I am the one choosing this outcome, I can look at my goals more objectively.

The social side of goal can include a lot of things, but the two main areas for me are the accountability piece that helps me stay on track and the mental health piece that gives me a chance to stay compassionate and curious.

With those two pieces in place I am more likely to keep working towards my goals. Not so much because I need to “fix” something within myself, but more because I want to see what else I am capable of achieving.

“Wouldn’t it be nice if ……..” Fill in the blank for yourself and let yourself dream.

And remember, when it comes to goals …..It’s ALL good!!

When You Accomplish a Goal – Part 2

I mentioned in Part 1 that I decided over 15 years ago that I would like to run a marathon. While spending this month discussing goals – and this week, discussing the “physical” dimension of that I thought I would share more about what it took to accomplish this particular goal of running a marathon.

And maybe I will share some of the lessons this 15+ year goal taught me.

In January of 2022, I read several social media posts from a friend who had just completed a running challenge at Walt Disney World…specifically “The Dopey Challenge”.

The Dopey Challenge involves running 4 races on four consecutive days. A 5k on Thursday; a 10K on Friday; a half marathon on Saturday; and finally, a marathon on Sunday.

I am not sure why, but it was then that I decided that I would take on this challenge for January of 2023.

For whatever reason, running a marathon has been on my “Bucket List” of things to achieve for a very long time.

I first decided to tackle this goal in 2010. I would be turning 40 years old and that seemed like a great time to “celebrate” by running a marathon.

I knew nothing of running marathons or even how to find a race to run other than the St. George Marathon which is run the first week of October each year, so that’s what I decided I would do.

Simple.

It was as good as done!

I started running in late December 2009, slowly, using the C25K app. One minute running, 90 seconds walking, repeating these intervals for 20 minutes. The app schedule was to do this 3 days a week.

Historically I have always felt the need to do more.

More days, more intervals, a faster pace, more intense…that had to be better and would surely help me achieve my goal.

What it actually did was cause me to push my body too hard and too far. By mid-summer, I was running about 15 miles each weekend on my long runs. But I had no idea about recovery and rest. I was running 6 days a week. I was having back pain and foot problems. I had lost a lot of weight because I wasn’t mindful of my nutrition.

The St George marathon was a lottery draw. And it wasn’t until later in the year that I didn’t get in the race.

After a run with another running friend, I felt as though I wasn’t as fast as I “thought” I was and I couldn’t run the race anyway so eventually I gave up the idea. I convinced myself that this was further evidence that I was not a distance runner.

In 2011, according to my Nike Run Club app, I ran a total of 5.3 miles for the year.

But the marathon goal would pop up occasionally. More often than not I would tell myself that time had passed.

In 2013 and 2015 I ran the Ragnar relay with friends and picked the shorter legs for my runs. I still wasn’t a distance runner in my mind. Even if the distance I ran/walked was 6 or 8 miles.

In 2017 and 2018 I was running with my youngest daughter and a couple of her friends 3 days a week. We ran some 5k races together for fun.

I really loved that time together. I loved having someone to share it with.

In 2019 life got busy and we stopped running for the most part. It was back to sporadic running at best. 2020 didn’t get much better.

In 2021 I was mostly walking for my exercise but still increasing my mileage for the year.

Then came 2022. My friend’s post. My determination that I could complete the Dopey Challenge. Not getting into the Dopey Challenge and “settling” for the marathon.

But this time I wanted to do it differently. I had a training schedule. I wouldn’t do more or go faster than I had planned. I didn’t need to over do it to reach my goal.

I first decided to tackle this goal in 2010. I would be turning 40 years old and that seemed like a great time to “celebrate” by running a marathon.

Simple.

It was as good as done!

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

CONTACT ME
ABOUT ME
SCHEDULE A CONVERSATION

I believe wholeheartedly that if I can do this, anyone can do this. It really is true that the hard part isn’t getting your body in shape. The hard part is getting your mind in shape.

I started with C25K once again. But this time I got the right shoes. I didn’t add on the extra days or intervals like I had in the past. I just did what it said.

Rather than running everyday, I would cross-train using my bike two or three days a week.

I would follow the distance recommendations on the training schedule put out by Walt Disney World. It would take me the entire year and that was exactly my plan.

I talked about this goal in my post back on January 17, 2022. I noted that the physical portion of the goal would be one challenge but the real challenge would be the internal personal work of showing up for myself lovingly and compassionately.

So what are the biggest lessons I learned while working towards this physical goal?

Here are just a few things:

  • Having a plan is great…..but you also need to make time to execute the plan
  • I don’t have to do more than what I planned
  • I get to define what success looks like for me
  • The results may not always look the way you anticipated
  • Some things along the way will hurt and that’s okay too
  • You can adjust the plan without abandoning it
  • Listening to what your body needs is the most effective way to reach your goal
  • I can share my goals with others
  • …… and I can have goals that I don’t share with others too!

There were times I wanted to cry during this marathon run. But the tears were from feelings of pride in myself and what I now knew I was capable of. They were tears of amazement at what my body was actually able to accomplish. They were tears of recognition of the changes in my mental strength and capacity. They were tears of acknowledging the person that I had become since I first decided on this goal all those years ago. I had become a distance runner.

I believe wholeheartedly that if I can do this, anyone can do this. It really is true that the hard part isn’t getting your body in shape. The hard part is getting your mind in shape.

At the finish, part of me wanted to cry from all those feelings…..and as silly as it may sound, I knew they were taking pictures of all the finishers and I wanted to remember the feelings of triumph and achievement. So that is the feeling I created for myself at the finish line. And that’s why I used the same picture again!

I can still allow the tears of pride as well.

Now, at 52 years old, not only am I a distance runner but I am a marathon runner. There is a chance that I will never run another marathon. But there is a better chance that one day I will. And even if I don’t, I am a marathon runner.

“It’s ALL good…. in the end. If it’s not good it’s not the end.”

In the end, my phone was dead and I wasn’t sure how I would find all of my family. I hadn’t been in contact with any of them since mile 23 when my phone gave out. I did see my 6′ 4″ son-in-law at the finish line because he was taller than everyone else, but I had no idea there was such a long corral of stops after the actual finish.

You get “Finisher” Mickey ears, a cooling towel, a drink, a snack box, and a medal…..It seemed like a long way back to the participant area. And the participant area was not that close to the finish line where the rest of my cheering squad was.

I hoped that if I stayed in the participant area long enough I would find one of my kids eventually. But how long would that take?

My knee was not feeling great, but I was expecting that. I had felt that before and was ready to feel it this time. I visited the medical tent to get ice for my knee and another runner graciously shared her charger with me while we both received treatments.

It really was ALL good in the end!!! I reconnected with my family. We all finished the race! We took lots of pictures! And then we went back to our Air BnB to sit in the hot tub for a really long time! 🙂

“It’s ALL good…. in the end. If it’s not good it’s not the end.”

That is STILL true of a marathon and each day I find new ways to use the lessons I learned in so many other areas of my life.

And I have a new goal!! We will see how it goes but….Dopey Challenge 2025!!

So remember…..It’s ALL good!!

June 2023 – Goals and Sustainability – Spiritual

Welcome to the first of my monthly topics – Goals and Sustainability.

This may be more than I can cover in one month but that’s okay. It is not that I can tell you everything, mostly because I don’t know everything :). But we can start a discussion around goals and sustainability. Especially in our four areas of focus: spiritual, physical, emotional, and intellectual.

Where to begin?

I like that the spiritual perspective gives me more understanding in this area.

I enjoyed a talk given by Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints back in April of 2017 entitled “Return and Receive”.

In my faith practice as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I agree with Elder Ballard’s idea and believe that even God, or our Heavenly Parents, have goals.

I also loved that he differentiates the difference between a goal and a plan.

To quote from his address, “Goal setting is essentially beginning with the end in mind. And planning is devising a way to get to that end.”

He then teaches that God is the perfect example of goal setting and planning.

What is the goal of our Heavenly Parents you ask? The goal is “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man {and woman} (Pearl of Great Price, Moses 1:39).

What is the plan? It’s the plan of salvation.

Our Heavenly Parents’ plan involved us coming to earth to learn, grow and develop in this physical mortality to become more like Them. This plan provides a way for us to be perfected, in and through the Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ.

This goal of my Heavenly Parents is a large reason “why” for me. It is an overarching part of all the other goals that I decide for myself.

When I have this “end” in mind, it influences all the areas of my life if I will let it.

So why goals? I believe that part of this “divine plan” is for me to learn to work with and manage my physical body and mind. They are gifts from my Heavenly Parents for me to use to come to know myself better. I don’t believe God wants us to become something different than we are (Just my belief, and may be unpopular), but truly to become more of who we were created to be.

As I have tried to reach goals, especially when I include God in the process, I have learned more about myself. I have discovered strengths and weaknesses in myself. I have uncovered and begun to develop talents. I have cultivated interests into talents.

The challenging part for me is when my humanness comes up against my eternalness.

My humanness has a brain that is evolutionarily designed to keep me safe and alive. I will refer to it as the “Motivational Triad”. Dr. Douglas J. Lisle and Dr. Alan Goldhamer developed this theory that this is the means that has increased our odds of survival over time.

It consists of three parts:

  • Seek Pleasure
  • Avoid Pain
  • Do both of those with the least amount of effort possible

Sounds like no big deal until it comes into conflict with my divine, eternal spirit. I believe that my true, divine, eternal self is designed for continual growth.

I call it the “Eternal Triad”. It also has three parts:

  • To learn to embrace pain (physical and emotional)
  • To delay gratification or pleasure to achieve a higher goal
  • And to learn how to generate and utilize energy in my pursuit of those things

As these two seemingly opposing systems come against each other, this is where the greatest growth can occur. I learn to appreciate what my human design affords me, namely comfort and safety. And I am willing to forgo those things to continue learning and growing and progressing as I discover, or remember, more of myself…..sometimes!

As I learn more about setting goals, and the most effective way for me to do that, I continue to learn more about myself. And when my goals are set from a perspective of challenging, growing, and learning more about myself rather than the need to “fix”, “improve” or “prove” my worth through accomplishment, I am much more likely to continue when I encounter obstacles along the way.

That is how I create sustainability.

So why goals? I believe that part of this “divine plan” is for me to learn to work with and manage my physical body and mind. They are gifts from my Heavenly Parents for me to use to come to know myself better. I don’t believe God wants us to become something different than we are (Just my belief, and may be unpopular), but truly to become more of who we were created to be.

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

CONTACT ME
ABOUT ME
SCHEDULE A CONVERSATION

As these two seemingly opposing systems come against each other, this is where the greatest growth can occur. I learn to appreciate what my human design affords me, namely comfort and safety. And I am willing to forgo those things to continue learning and growing and progressing as I discover, or remember, more of myself…..
sometimes!

The old model of motivation in my goals while effective for a time, is no longer sustainable. That model led me to diminish the things I did achieve, treat myself poorly if I didn’t achieve, and more often than not give up on the goal to avoid the self-deprecation that was inevitable.

When I focus on what God wants for me, simply to recognize and become more of the person I was created to be, I can accept and love myself where I am AND still want to learn and grow more.

In truth, it is easier said than done. But the more I practice this sustainability model, the more change I can see in myself. And the road to get there is a lot more peaceful, and enjoyable along the way.

And that reminds me that God also intended for me to have joy in this life as well as the life to come.

I must remind myself that maybe my “motto” isn’t entirely true in this instance.

“It’s ALL good…. in the end. If it’s not good it’s not the end.”

While that idea is still true for all our goals, it can also be good along the way. After all, part of the reason for the goal is to see the person we become in the process of achieving our desired outcome. The person that is more of our true self.

So remember, when it comes to goals …..It’s ALL good!!

Moving into a New Phase

As I mentioned last week, I am planning to go in a more structured direction to give myself a kind of map for where it is I am heading.

Good news!! That could change! But, I am going to try this out for at least 6 months, maybe the next year, before I decide to do it differently.

That doesn’t mean it won’t evolve over that time. Because truthfully, I am just making this up as I go along. 🙂

This week I thought I would just introduce the topics for the rest of this year that I have planned. Again…. it could change, but this is the plan for now:

  • June 2023 – Goals & Sustainability
  • July 2023 – Love Your Body
  • August 2023 – Back to School
  • September 2023 – A Time of Harvest
  • October 2023 – Seasons of Change
  • November 2023 – Gratitude as a Practice
  • December 2023 – Finish Strong – Start Strong

I am working on becoming more focused and clear about what it is I want to accomplish. I have spent the past several months deciding what I am trying to create in my life and my business. It is ever evolving but I have a much more concise vision than I did a year ago.

While I have thoughts and ideas for each of these topics and the subsequent weekly topics to support them, I would love to hear your ideas or suggestions of what would be helpful for you.

Do you have any questions for me? I would love to answer those questions and help you see that more often than we realize, the things we have questions about are things others have questions about as well.

If you have things you would like me to write about I would love for you to email me! Just send a quick note to michelle@michellekeilcoaching.com and let me know what’s on your mind.

In the works is the inauguration of a bi-weekly (maybe? Could turn into weekly?) email series, “A Weekly Dose of “GOOD”. I would love to have you come and join me there as well! Look for that to start in the fall.

These emails will be discussing these same topics along with questions and answers, and other things that might be more time sensitive. More than just sharing information, I am hoping to grow the connection I have with you as my reader, so I would really love to open that dialogue.

Part of me is a little nervous and scared about all of this because most of my life I have needed to know what to expect next so that I could show up in the best light possible. If I was going to show up in a less-than-optimal light, I would rather not show up.

But I no longer want to stay hiding. I want to share what I have found and what has made a difference for me and for so many of the clients I coach.

This is scary because I am aware that I don’t always control the outcome. I have decided to let go of the need for perfection. That doesn’t mean I don’t still want to be able to show up perfectly. I am moving toward letting go of some of that perfection and still showing up.

As I build up the muscles of doing things less than perfectly, I want to continue to create more things to share with the world.

That could look like an online course, or Masterclass. It could even look like starting a podcast or writing a book or even multiple books!! Who knows what becomes possible when I give myself the freedom to be bad at it in the beginning?!

So if you could let go of some of that outcome control in your life, what could be different?

What might you be willing to try?

How might you be able to change your influence?

What do you want to create?

I believe we all have contributions to make to the world. And I believe that there are times when moving forward on those contributions seems impossible.

June 2023 – Goals & Sustainability

July 2023 – Love Your Body

August 2023 – Back to School

September 2023 – A Time of Harvest

October 2023 – Seasons of Change

November 2023 – Gratitude

December 2023 – Finish/Start Strong

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

CONTACT ME
ABOUT ME
SCHEDULE A CONVERSATION

I have decided to let go of the need for perfection. That doesn’t mean I don’t still want to be able to show up perfectly. I am moving toward letting go of some of that perfection and still showing up.

As I build up the muscles of doing things less than perfectly, I want to continue to create more things to share with the world.

That is what it is like to be a human being. The thing that gets in the way of what we want to achieve is most often our own thoughts and feelings.

If this is something you have experienced, or if it is something you are trying to work through, I would love to talk about it with you!

I know having a trusted coach to talk things through helps me to see things from new perspectives I hadn’t seen before. And when I can see more options, I begin to realize there is a lot more possible than what I may have previously thought.

I am learning as I go. I am becoming more willing to be a beginner at things I want to do in my life. I am becoming more willing to be uncomfortable, even when it doesn’t feel good….even when the result is not what I anticipated or hoped it would be.

“It’s ALL good…. in the end. If it’s not good it’s not the end.”

Keeping that in mind, some of this might be bad. It might be hard for me to follow a schedule, or to “come up with” something of value on each of these topics.

But it will also help me grow and develop different skills than those I have developed to this point. And after all, that is really the point of this.

So remember…..It’s ALL good!!