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Rest vs. Laziness

This week is a week of resting for me and my husband.

I could tell myself that I am being lazy. Heaven knows I have done that a lot in my life.

“You are trying to build a business here!! You are missing out on over a week’s worth of “work”!”

“Instead of making money you are wasting money!”

“You should be focusing on what’s next for you business.”

“Your clients can’t even reach you! You should be there for them!”

All thoughts I have had leading up to this trip.

But for as much as our brain wants to tell us all the things we are doing wrong when we are resting, we should give at least equal airtime to all the benefits resting provides.

Here are just a few examples….

Benefits of restful sleep include:

  • Get sick less often.
  • Stay at a healthy weight.
  • Lower your risk for serious health problems, like diabetes and heart disease.
  • Reduce stress and improve your mood.
  • Think more clearly and do better in school and at work.
  • Get along better with people.

In a world where we are all near constantly looking at screens, resting our eyes is a good choice. The recommended rest is the 20-20-20 rule. Every 20 minutes take a 20 second break to look at something 20 feet away. Another suggestion is resting your eyes for 15 minutes every 2 hours of screen time.

Closing your eyes calms your mind and relaxes your muscles and organs. It has been called “quiet wakefulness”. When you take time to rest your eyes, you are basically telling your body it’s safe and can take a break from focusing or thinking.

In an exercise program, rest days are the days for allowing the muscles to grow. As we exercise we are actually creating micro tears in the muscle fibers. During our periods of rest the muscles have time to restore and repair. This is when the tissues are able to heal and grow even stronger.

Incorporating rest and relaxation into our work life has many benefits as well. Some include:

  • Renewing our energy levels
  • Restoring and repairing our body
  • Improving our mood
  • Increasing focus
  • Increasing creativity

So what is the difference between true rest and just plain laziness?

The difference is results.

One way to find out is by how you think of yourself while you are doing it.

You can rest and have a high opinion of yourself and your work. No justification is required.

When you are being lazy, or resting before your results, you require excuses and explanations while dreading the amount of work you haven’t done.

Don’t get me wrong here!! I have spent the majority of my life chasing my worth and value in the results I can produce. Do more to provide more value and be of more worth!! There are times I still manage to get caught up in that.

But what I am talking about this time is more an internal measure than external.

Laziness, we tell ourselves, is resting. But the truth is it’s laziness because we are resting ahead of time. We haven’t done the work. We haven’t made the effort.

Often our laziness is a result of the thoughts we have about the work that we think we need to do or want to do. In the process we come up with invalid reasons for not doing it. We call it “rest” ahead of time because we predetermine the difficulty that awaits us while we are really creating a greater amount of stress from our procrastination. This in turn makes us work harder to complete projects on a designated timeline.

But what if we didn’t have to create that sense of stress to accomplish things? What if we just determined that we could finish the task and then rest?

If we are taking advantage of regular times of rest then our productivity while working can be greatly increased. But this also requires focus and effort when we are working. It requires some discipline.

The good news is even if we aren’t good at that focus and discipline yet, we can improve. Every time we don’t “feel like” doing something and we do it anyway we are overcoming laziness. And just like our muscles, the more we exercise that ability, the stronger we get.

You can pack your day full to achieve your desired results knowing that rest is coming afterwards. What are we trying to produce? Producing those results and then resting is never laziness.

So what is the difference between true rest and just plain laziness?

The difference is results.

One way to find out is by how you think of yourself while you are doing it.

You can rest and have a high opinion of yourself and your work. No justification is required.

When you are being lazy, or resting before your results, you require excuses and explanations while dreading the amount of work you haven’t done.

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

Often our laziness is a result of the thoughts we have about the work we think we need to do or want to do. In the process we come up with invalid reasons for not doing it. We call it “rest” ahead of time because we predetermine the difficulty that awaits us while we are really creating a greater amount of stress from our procrastination. This in turn makes us work harder to complete projects on a designated timeline.

Procrastination is more often than not fueled by fear of some type. Postponing fear or trying to avoid it just increases the fear. Allowing that fear to be there while still moving towards our desired result is where our true power lies.

If greater productivity and overall happiness is what we want to work towards, maybe we need to look at how much time we are allowing ourselves to rest.

I can help you take a look at what you are calling “laziness” and where you might find time to rest. Sometimes it is just noticing our thought patterns and understanding the importance of our thoughts that makes the biggest difference. “Contact Me” and send me a quick email and we can check it out. If you prefer, you can “Schedule a Consult” for a free session to discuss how you can make time for more productivity and rest in your life and how to get started.

And as always…..Remember…..It’s ALL good!!

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1% Goals vs Impossible Goals

For the majority of my life I have found my value and worth through what I had to offer to others, what results I achieved, or my performance value.

I see myself as a recovering perfectionist and am now coming to accept that my worth is inherent. I am personalizing that worth has nothing to do with me, but all worth comes from the Creators that created me. For me those Creators are my Heavenly parents, God the Father and God the Mother. They are the Creators of my spirit and so the parents of my divine nature. I have inherited things through their divine DNA. Because of Them I have inherited my divine nature and an infinite worth that is unchangeable.

That is a shift for me. As a perfectionist, I would set goals and work towards them. But at the moment that “perfection” was in jeopardy, I would, more often than not, abandoned the goal altogether. And with the release of the goal went the release of my self worth.

This kept me from “failing” by not finishing a goal with less than perfection. But in reality, I was just failing ahead of time by abandoning the goal. And my perception of my worth was increasingly damaged along the way.

Over the past several years I have been doing the work on my own self and working towards a healthier lifestyle in all areas of life: mental, physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. Sometimes I am more successful in that than others, or in one area more than others. I find it has it’s own ebb and flow. But I also know that I have a greater impact on that ebb and flow than I previously gave myself credit for.

So what does any of this have to do with 1% Goals and Impossible Goals?

When I set goals in the past, it would be in an effort to “fix” all the things that were lacking in me. I would usually try to improve every area of my life all at once in multiple ways. It would be through massive changes that had no way to be sustainable for more than a few days or weeks, let alone years.

I reinforced to myself that I just couldn’t change “who I was” with behavior modification. I was too broken and beyond fixing. I had never been successful in the past, so why continue trying?

For the past year and a half I didn’t focus on the behavior modification as much as the mental modification. What if I wasn’t broken? What if I didn’t need “fixing”? Is that even a possibility?

I changed less about the physical things I did and how I physically showed up, but I have changed so much about the way I mentally and emotionally show up….for others, and most importantly for myself.

So as we moved into this year, as generally happens, people talked of goals and what grand things they want to achieve in 2022. One of the tools we commonly use in coaching is referred to as the “Impossible Goal”. Always working towards an impossible goal to stretch ourselves, and to prove what is possible.

My brain was being extremely resistant to the idea of goals at all. But I have been especially resistant to an Impossible Goal. I was stuck in the patterns of the past and not wanting to put myself at “risk” of failure in such a big way.

So I spent some time mulling over the concept of this Impossible goal. And at the same time I began looking more and more at James Clear and his concept of 1% change as he outlines in his book Atomic Habits. How could the two work together and become somewhat synergistic? What could that look like?

So this year I am working on a new experiment. I have in fact, set an impossible goal for myself. And different than in years previously, I have been telling people what that impossible goal is. That hasn’t been the way I operated previously. In the past I wouldn’t tell anyone about my goals until I actually achieved them because of the shame I would feel when I would inevitably “fail”.

But now I have redefined what “failure” means to me. And with my definition, I will always be able to achieve whatever I decide to achieve as long as I remain committed to that end. Failure is just a tool for me to grow and develop into the person who is able to achieve that end.

As I discussed my impossible goal today with my older daughter she made the observation that my goal is not even impossible. Hard? Yes; But not impossible.

As a perfectionist, I would set goals and work towards them. But at the moment that “perfection” was in jeopardy, I would, more often than not, abandon the goal altogether. And with the release of the goal went the release of my self worth.

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

…my impossible goal is impossible more so because it requires me to show up for myself consistently, for a year…..in a loving and compassionate way. Not berating myself to do it just so I could say I achieved it.

The goal isn’t about “the goal” so much as it is about the person I become in the process.

And that’s when it all came into clear view for me as I explained it to her. My impossible goal is a physical goal. But it is not so much impossible because I couldn’t physically do it, although if it were this weekend it would be pretty close to impossible to complete and still be able to move :). But my impossible goal is impossible more so because it requires me to show up for myself consistently, for a year…..in a loving and compassionate way. Not berating myself to do it just to say I achieved it.

The goal isn’t about “the goal” so much as it is about the person I become in the process.

And that is where I am intertwining the 1% goals with the Impossible goal.

In his book, Clear talks about the small 1% changes that we can make habits that move us towards not just what we want to achieve, but who we want to become. It’s not a goal to run a specific race but to become someone who is active and values exercise; Not to complete a specific course or degree but to become someone who values life long learning; Not to paint a picture but to become someone who creates; Not to practice meditation everyday for a month but to become someone who is a calm and centered person.

As of today, I do not think I could possibly run nearly 47 miles over three consecutive day, but I can walk/run 2 miles today. And that will move me toward my impossible goal. I don’t have to kill myself in the process. This is real “Tortoise and the Hare” type stuff for me. I have a plan. I just need to execute my plan and my goal is as good as done.

Next week I will tell you why that will be harder that it sounds 🙂

If you would like help and support along with tools that can guide you in your 1% goals “Contact Me” and send me a quick email. If you prefer, you can “Schedule a Consult” for a free session to discuss what you want to work towards and how to get started.

And as always…..Remember…..It’s ALL good!!

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A New Adventure Begins!!

This is the beginning of a new experiment for me.

My current plan is to write a blog post each week; maybe I will do more. Maybe no one will read them. I guess time will tell. I’m not sure what it will look like or how it may change over time but it is a start and I can build from there.

For now I will just say that whatever this becomes is a way for me to continue learning and developing myself, and maybe guide others who are on a similar journey.

If I look back to how I arrived here, I could say it has taken me 51 years (I mean that’s how old I turned on my birthday last month :)). Or maybe this journey has been 16 or so years; that’s when I first had the thought that maybe I could become a Life Coach. But at that time I had small children that received nearly all of my attention and it didn’t seem possible.

The concentrated intention of this journey began roughly in 2018, when I was in a very different place mentally and emotionally. And I could never have scripted arriving to this point. That may be a story for a different day but for today, I am excited for where I am, and I am excited for the direction I am heading.

Over the past three years we have had lots of changes, some planned some not planned, and it has brought me challenges along with growth. Once I determined that I could choose the ways to grow that I wanted, my growth accelerated.

Now my hope is to share some of the ideas and tools I have learned with others who are looking to choose their growth or navigate the “surprise” growth they are currently experiencing.

There is an old African proverb that I loves which says,

If you want to go fast, go alone.

If you want to go far, go together.

-African Proverb

I want to bring as many people with me as possible, and want to see how far we can go!!

Remember……… It’s ALL good!

The concentrated intention of this journey began roughly in 2018, when I was in a very different place mentally and emotionally.

Hello Friends!

Hi!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.


Parenthetical Thoughts

If you were to Google “How many thoughts do you have per day” you would get a varied response.

Some experts say it is 50,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day while others say it is more like 6,000 to 20,000 thoughts per day.

If you look further into it they estimate that 95% of those thoughts are repetitive and 80% of the thoughts are negative.

Is it any surprise that we don’t notice all the thoughts our brain is giving us? If you are like me, I attempt to write down some of those thoughts, and more often than not my brain goes blank!

It’s like walking into a dark room and flipping on the light switch only to see all the cockroaches scatter and disappear. (Just for the record…That visual makes me very nearly physically sick but it sums it up pretty nicely :))

The thoughts that I can manage to start with usually seem to be well intended; somewhat motivating ideas that can sounds good but still leave me feeling not that great.

As I take time and look at what is really going on it is not these first thoughts that seem to be slowing me down. It is the thought that comes from those thoughts. Some coaches call them “parenthetical thoughts”.

Some examples:

“I am getting better (but I am still not where I should be)”

“I want to be a good mom (and I am not being a good mom)”

“I finished many of the things on my to-do list (but there are still a lot undone)”

“I will figure this out (but I should know this already)”

“I am making this work (but I should be going faster)”

“I just want everyone to be happy (and if they aren’t it’s a problem)”

“She can do it her own way (but my way would be better)”

Many times the parenthetical thoughts have some layer of judgment involved. It could be judgment for others but often it is judgment of ourselves.

When we see the world in some unspoken standard of excellence that we or those around us are not meeting in some way, we tend to focus on the lack and think that there is something wrong with us.

What would happen if we showed up with more compassion and curiosity for ourselves and for others?

How could we reframe these thoughts?

Maybe they could look something like this….

“I am right where I am meant to be, and I am excited to see what comes up for me.”

“I am a good mom, and sometimes I am a mess of a mom, and that’s okay.”

“Even though I want everyone to be happy, I want each of them to feel however they are feeling and I can support them in that.”

Sometimes when we see the underlying thoughts we can see them for what they are and just let them go entirely. Like the undone things on our to-do list, our brain will tells us there is always more we could do.

Is it any surprise that we don’t notice all the thoughts our brain is giving us? If you are like me, and I attempt to write down some of those thoughts, and more often than not my brain goes blank!

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

When we see the world in some unspoken standard of excellence that we or those around us are not meeting in some way, we tend to focus on the lack and think that there is something wrong with us.

The trick is recognizing those thoughts as just sentences our brain is offering and not making them mean anything. If there is always something more we can do, then there is no way we can ever be done. We get to decide what we want to do, and decide when it is enough.

I can help you find the parenthetical thoughts in your life. Noticing the underlying thoughts we can decide if they are serving in some way or if they can be reframed or even just be let go. I can help you let the thoughts go and move you closer to a lighter feeling overall. “Contact Me” and send me a quick email and we can find how you want to move forward. If you prefer, you can “Schedule a Consult” for a free session to see if coaching is helpful for you.

And as always…..Remember…..It’s ALL good!!

Things My Brain Told Me Since My Vacation……

My January 31, 2022 blog post was published while I was on a trip with my husband.

We came home and the following week I started a new contracted position with a company coaching 20 hours per week.

Even though I had known this was coming at some point since early November, after about 9 months of not working my brain and my life was not used to the time constraints that working for someone else entails.

My work is an extremely flexible schedule of my choosing. I could work literally any time of the day or night. I can work all the hours in 1 day or I can spread it over 7 days.

It is even possible for me to work fewer hours if I see fit; I just don’t get paid for the hours I don’t work.

So why has it been so close to impossible for me to complete a blog post for over 4 months now, with only one exception?

All of the reasons equate to no more than stories my brain is telling me about my situation. And those stories fuel the actions and inactions that lead me to no blog posts (or just one in 4 months).

Why am I telling you this?

Because when I first told a group of friends that I had decided to become a life coach, one of them commented that it was a good fit for me because “at least I had my life together”. I thought that was kind of her to say, but as time has gone on I find more and more reasons why that may not be true 🙂

I tell you because more than likely you have something in your life that you are not making progress towards. And more than likely it has to do with the stories your brain is telling you about your progress or lack thereof.

Why is that important to know?

Because when we come to recognize the stories that our brain is telling us for what they are, fiction and not fact, we can move into a state where we can choose for ourselves if they are stories we choose to continue to believe, or ones that we are ready to let go.

Here are just a few of the stories my brain has offered me over the past four months of inaction on my blog…… followed by some of the actual facts of the situation.

Writing a blog post every week takes a lot of time and energy. That’s time and energy you don’t have now that you are working for someone else again.

I have fewer hours of available time than before I started working… true enough. But I still have multiple hours a day available for whatever I choose. I don’t always use my time wisely.

I am writing a blog post not a thesis. There is not going to be a grade assessed. It does not have to be perfect but my brain tells me that if it is not the best work it is not worth doing at all.

No one is reading these posts anyway.

In the months that I have not been writing, my list of subscribers has grown. Not in exponential ways but it has grown nonetheless.

Multiple people that I know have commented to me about how they have appreciated my posts and blogs and that they have helped them in some way. And these are people who have not subscribed to my blog.

This is not going to move you toward building the coaching practice you want. You should focus time and energy on other things.

The truth of the matter is, I like writing. I love words . I like creating something from my mind, from the things I have learned, the wisdom I have gained, the insights I have found.

The truth of the matter is, I write for me just as much as for anyone who might read it. Yes, I hope to provide valuable information and opportunities for the reader to reflect and look inward, but my main reason for starting this blog was to cement the tools and strategies I have learned in writing for myself. You readers are all welcome to come along for the ride.

There are lots of unproductive stories that come up and I have been listening to them for long enough. So lucky you, reading this, you get a less than perfect representation of the work I am doing for myself. It is the same work I can help you do as well.

….. more than likely you have something in your life that you are not making progress towards. And more than likely it has to do with the stories your brain is telling you about your progress or lack thereof.

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

How can I portray myself as any type of expert that can solve your problems if I readily admit that I have my own problems?

I have decided that it is better to risk looking like “not an expert” than not showing up as my authentic self. I open myself up for possible criticism and judgment, but the other side of that is I can show up for myself in ways that I didn’t in the past.

Part of my brain says that is not something I should share with you. How can I portray myself as any type of expert that can teach you how to solve your problems if I readily admit that I have my own problems?

I have decided that it is better to risk looking like “not an expert” than not showing up as my authentic self. I open myself up for possible criticism and judgment, but the other side of that is I can show up for myself in ways that I didn’t in the past. I can trust myself enough to show up in my true self and know that no matter what happens I will support myself and and be self confident that I can figure this out.

Will I go back to writing a blog post every week? That is the plan, and the goal I have for myself. But I am keenly aware that there are times that my brain does what brains are known to do and I fully anticipate that there will be times that the stories my brain gives me may hold me in some fear and procrastination. I will plan for this and continue to work to manage my mind but there are no guarantees. It continues to be a work in progress.

Hopefully, you can recognize some of the stories that your brain may be telling you. Just taking a moment to write down the stories (your thoughts) you are more able to create an awareness of the validity (if any) of the story.

As we create that awareness, and allow where we are to be perfectly okay, we can decide what we want to create for our results. We can write new stories starting where we are with the destination of our own choosing. With these new stories we can begin to create the life we want.

I can help you get the stories out of your head and look at them. We can see what emotions are being generated by those stories and how those emotions are fueling your action or inaction. We can see the result you generate with those actions and inactions and you can choose if that is a result you want to continue creating for yourself. Separating the stories from the facts in any given situation can give us a new perspective on what we are controlling and what we may be delegating to things outside of ourselves. “Contact Me” and send me a quick email and we can check it out. If you prefer, you can “Schedule a Consult” for a free session to discuss how you can get started.

And as always…..Remember…..It’s ALL good!!

21 Years…….

Today is May 3, 2022.

I started writing this at about 7:30am.

I can recall what I was doing on this day at about this time 21 years ago.

It was a Thursday morning which meant my preschool students would be coming to my house at 9am.

My 4 children were 6, 5, 3, and 1. The 6 year old had morning kindergarten. The 5 year old would be in preschool with me, while the 2 youngest would go play with cousins during our class.

The usual morning routines were taking place…. Breakfast, getting dressed, cleaning up the house for preschool, rearranging things and setting out the carpet for circle time, making sure the handouts and necessary supplies were ready, and so on and so on.

It was a beautiful sunny morning and while I was busy with things in the house, my 1 yr old was playing in the backyard. He loved to play in the backyard and generally it was not an issue. Today however, there was a large puddle of water surrounding one of the trees that he was really enjoying.

As I dragged him sopping wet out of the muddy mess of the puddle and into the shower, I did a lot of complaining in my mind and out loud. I didn’t have time to be dealing with this. Why was he such a troublemaker (IYKYK :))? He is so frustrating!!!!

Cleaned up, I parked him on my bed in front of the only movie that he would watch, “The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh” so that he couldn’t cause any more problems.

In my frustration, I was ready for him to be gone so I could get things done. When he left with his sister that was the last time I saw him alive.

The next time I saw him was in the emergency room. He was wheeled in on a gurney surrounded by doctors and nurses who were performing CPR on him and had been for over 30 minutes at that point. The doctors continued their work for a time but with no success.

How could I have been so ready for him to leave that morning? What would I give to have him making messes and screwing up my schedule any other morning ever again?

It is interesting the things we remember and how we remember them. It truly is an example of the ways that our thoughts create our feelings.

The past 21 years I have had a wide variety of thoughts and emotions surrounding this particular “Circumstance”. Some lead me to believe that not all circumstances are neutral. And then I remember, “That is a thought”. And maybe it’s one that I choose to hold onto.

There may be other thoughts that feel like circumstances for me……

“Life is not fair”……. just part of my circumstance.

But at the same time I can see both sides in that truth.

It isn’t fair that I had a child who died at 21 months old. But I had 21 months with him…my friend only had 3 days with her son.

It isn’t fair that our family suffered this loss. And in some ways it doesn’t seem fair that our family has been so blessed in so many ways in this life as well.

It isn’t fair that we have to have this grief. And it doesn’t seem fair the amount of joy and peace we have been able to feel right along side the grief.

My final thought for today is just this:

There may be times in your life that you realize your thoughts create your feelings, and you continue to choose to keep those thoughts.

It is not because you like the “negative” emotions that those thoughts create, but more because you don’t want to choose to think differently about specific things (circumstances) in your life.

The death of my son is one of those circumstances, and while there are many thoughts I have let go over 21 years, there are some that I will hold on to until the day I die, and see him again.

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

The tools and skills I have learned while doing thought work can bring you varied outcomes. The choice is always available on how they are used. They can be used as tools to help us gain awareness and clarity. They can also be used as weapons to punish and berate ourselves with when we realize we create our thoughts and feelings.

Please don’t use them as weapons. Use them with all the compassion for yourself that you would offer a friend or a child.

There may be times in your life that you realize your thoughts create your feelings, and you continue to choose to keep those thoughts.

It is not because you like the “negative” emotions that those thoughts create, but more because you don’t want to choose to think differently about specific things (circumstances) in your life.

The death of my son is one of those circumstances. And while there are many thoughts I have let go over 21 years, there are some that I will hold on to until the day I die, and see him again.

I hope you know and realize that whatever you choose to think and feel, and whatever result you create is 100% okay. You have every right to think and feel whatever you choose. If would like to talk through some of it with me and decide what thoughts you want to keep and which ones you are ready to let go of I would love to offer you the space to do that. “Contact Me” and send me an email and we can talk about your thoughts. If you prefer, you can “Schedule a Consult” for a free session to discuss how your thoughts and feelings are directing your life.

And as always…..Remember…..It’s ALL good!!

(……in the end!!! If it’s not good it’s not the end!!!! Death is not the end!!)

Obstacles and the Motivational Triad

We have a goal in mind.

We have a result we are working towards.

We have a timeline we would like to achieve it in.

We are 3 weeks into those “resolutions” and that is typically when the majority of us have given up on those plans.

The excitement of reaching the result is wearing off, and the reality of continuously showing up regularly to accomplish it is hard on the day to day.

You have found your way to any number of the many obstacles that our brain offers up to us when we are trying to do something new or different.

We all have will power and that will serve us well…..for a time. But at some point, will power runs out because it is a finite commodity. And when it does, we usually pile on guilt and shame for not being “self-disciplined” or “motivated enough” to maintain that finite resource. So how do we fuel change beyond will power?

Douglas J. Lisle and Dr. Alan Goldhamer developed what is termed the “Motivational Triad”. Basically it is the operating system of our mid-brain or Limbic System. I usually refer to this area of the brain as the “caveman brain”. This is where the most powerful motivational and emotional systems reside. These are our survival instincts.

The three parts of the triad are:

  • Seek pleasure, desires and comfort (food, reproduction, shelter, acceptance, connection, recognition, alcohol, drugs, etc.)
  • Avoid pain (physical and mental/emotional- think fear, anxiety, scarcity, anger, etc.)
  • Be efficient and conserve energy (repetitive functions, “automation”, the path of least resistance for parts 1 and 2)

It is important to remember that the motivational triad is there to protect us. It was what kept us alive in caveman times. It has been the human operating system for hundreds of thousands of years. So it is not surprising that as we have “outgrown” the need for some of these systems, we forget that such growth has only been in our most recent history of the past hundred years, evolutionarily speaking.

While it is a protection overall, when we are trying to make changes for ourselves…..exercise, eat healthier, lose weight, learn a new skill…..this motivational triad can be an obstacle when it makes us risk averse, overly cautious, and hesitant.

Why is this knowledge important?

Now that we know what our brain is going to tell us, we can make a plan to overcome those obstacles. That plan comes from our higher brain, or pre-frontal cortex, where we find reasoning, logic, planning, research, etc.

When we make a decision using our higher brain, we can calm the influx of thoughts and emotions from our caveman brain and continue on our way. Just knowing they will come up helps us to allow them to be there without having to turn over the controls to them.

In the example of exercise…. it is usually in complete resistance to the motivational triad. It should come as no surprise that your brain will tell you that going to the gym and lifting weights is….

  • A) Not pleasurable
  • B) Will most likely cause pain – somewhat during and maybe after doing it
  • C) It will not conserve energy – in fact it will require extra energy to be expended

Your brain will remember the previous times that you went to the gym. The difficulty you faced, the soreness of your muscles during the workout and maybe even the next day. It will remind you of the show on Netflix that you wanted to watch 🙂

Oddly enough what our brain doesn’t focus on remembering is the release of “good chemicals” that come from exercise. The strength we feel afterwards. The feeling of accomplishment and self confidence. Remember our brain is predisposed towards negativity so focusing on the drawbacks of going to the gym should not surprise us.

Anytime we decide to make a change for ourselves, our brain is going to give us reasons why we shouldn’t…why it would be better to remain where we are…why new things are so dangerous to try.

That doesn’t mean that we should never try new things. It means that knowing that there are two parts of our brain which will always be in conflict, we can move forward anticipating the challenges that will come up.

The one part of our brain wants us to remain safe, to stay “in the cave” where we know what to expect, to accept things the way they are. The other part of our brain set on our growth and development; Learning new things, going on adventures, taking risks in the unknown.

Life is about finding the way we manage those two contradictory parts of ourselves and reconciling them together to make us whole. Finding who we are is finding the balance between the parts.

It is knowing that both of these parts are given to us to help us. The one side trying to keep us safe, keep us protected, keep up alive. The other side trying to keep us growing, keep us progressing, keep us improving.

We all have will power and that will serve us well…for a time. But at some point, will power runs out because it is a finite commodity. And when it does, we usually pile on guilt and shame for not being “self-disciplined” or “motivated enough” to maintain that finite resource. So how do we fuel change beyond will power?

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

The three parts of the [motivational] triad are:

~Seek pleasure, desires and comfort (food, reproduction, shelter, acceptance, connection, recognition, alcohol, drugs, etc.)

~Avoid pain (physical and mental/emotional – think fear, anxiety, scarcity, anger, etc.)

~Be efficient and conserve energy (repetitive functions, “automation”, the path of least resistance of for parts 1 and 2)

When we learn to leverage those parts together that is where true power lies. When we feel the feelings of fear or anxiety because we are putting ourselves out there…in danger of failure…yet we still continue forward, we gain strength and power. When we consciously choose feelings of discomfort in the present for a greater outcome in the future, we create new pathways in our brain. We start to learn and develop a new “operating system” to live by. One that can see the risk, weigh the reward and move forward with a belief in ourselves that we can handle the emotions that will come in an effort to become something more.

Not because what we are isn’t enough, or because there is something to prove to others. But simply because we want to experience new things, stretch ourselves beyond our current limits and learn more of what we are truly capable of.

Obstacles will always come up for us as we evolve. It is the anticipation of those obstacles that help us to meet them when they appear, not as flaws or weakness, but just as a part of being human.

If I can help you create a plan for overcoming your own obstacles “Contact Me” and send me a quick email. If you prefer, you can “Schedule a Consult” for a free session to discuss what you want to work towards and how to get started.

And as always…..Remember…..It’s ALL good!!

2022 -Resolutions and Choosing our Results

Today I want to speak a little bit about creating your own results.

We have talked about the model and how our circumstances are neutral; our thoughts about the circumstances create our feelings; our feelings drive all our actions; our actions give us our results.

So what if you start with a result that you want to achieve and work your way backwards? What does that look like?

So instead of the model following in order of Circumstance>Thought>Feeling>Action>Result let’s reverse that to Result<Action<Feeling<Thought<Circumstance.

In both cases the circumstance can be the same. And you can still create a different result. I will use weight loss as a example.

First, we will start with the following model:

  • C – I weigh 175 pounds
  • T – I need to lose 25 pounds
  • F – Overwhelmed
  • A – try to find “the best” way to lose weight, not deciding on or making any effort to change my actions, soothe myself with food, judge my current weight, beat myself up for not being more disciplined, etc.
  • R – I don’t lose any weight and sometimes even gain more weight

It is just an observation of what is presently happening. Thinking that I need to lose 25 pounds sounds very motivating, but in reality it brings a feeling of overwhelm which can lead to the opposite actions from what will get me to where I want to go.

So let’s reverse the model and see how that can help us. I like to think of it as a “Choose Your Own Adventure”….(does anyone else remember reading those books as a kid?)

We will start with the same circumstance, but work from the result that we want to achieve as follows:

  • R – I weigh 150 pounds
  • A – ???
  • F – ???
  • T – ???
  • C – I weigh 175 pounds

So to complete our new model we need to get curious about ourselves.

What are the actions that will help me get to 150 pounds?

If we reduce it strictly to math and science, the only way for anyone to lose any weight, ever, is a calorie deficit. Consume fewer calories than you burn.

So that’s one action. But there is more to it as well. You need to look at all the aspects of helping your body work well….. are you getting enough sleep? drinking enough water? choosing healthier options when you do eat? eating when you are actually hungry, not when you are bored, lonely, sad, tired and stressed? are you moving your body?

And what are you telling yourself in the process? Will this result be what makes you feel better about yourself? Will you be more wothy when you weigh less? We know that isn’t possible because losing weight won’t change our feeling…that requires changing our thoughts.

So our model is getting more complete:

  • R – I weigh 150 pounds
  • A – eat only when hungry, drink half my body weight in in ounces of water each day water, sleep 7 hours, move my body more, no judgements or shame
  • F – ???
  • T – ???
  • C – I weigh 175 pounds

So what if you start with a result that you want to achieve and work your way backwards? What does that look like?

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

Our brains are tricky things, and what seems helpful and motivational may be doing just the opposite. That’s okay! We just need to become aware of it and redirect it. We can do that with the thoughts we choose.

Knowing some of the actions necessary to reach our desired result, what feeling would motivate us, and fuel those actions? We have seen overwhelm doesn’t work. Maybe for you it is a feeling of determination. Or it could be a feeling of commitment. What about a feeling of love for yourself? How would those feelings motivate you to act and “speak” to yourself? One of the best questions to find the feeling can be, “Why?” Why would you choose to do all the actions?

We will chose commitment for this example:

  • R – I weigh 150 pounds
  • A – eat only when hungry, drink half my body weight in in ounces of water each day water, sleep 7 hours, move my body more, no judgements or shame
  • F – Commitment
  • T – ???
  • C – I weigh 175 pounds

Getting curious again, what will you need to think to feel that commitment? Let me tell you what commitment never seems to come from: any statement that contains the words “should”, “have to”, or even “need to”. For me to be committed, I choose to be the one deciding. My commitment comes from thoughts like, “I am choosing to do this for myself.” or “This may be hard, but I have done hard things before”. Maybe it’s something like “I want to take care of myself and my body”. Again we can ask ourselves “Why?”.

  • R – I weigh 150 pounds
  • A – eat only when hungry, drink half my body weight in in ounces of water each day water, sleep 7 hours, move my body more, no judgements or shame
  • F – Commitment
  • T – I want to take care of myself and my body
  • C – I weigh 175 pounds

Now we have a model to work with that can actually help us to achieve the results we are working towards. And now we can see how we can start with a result to achieve any result we choose.

What is a result you want? Get clear on it. Determine the steps involved to get you there. Now determine what you will need to feel that will fuel you to work through the necessary steps. Choose what you want to think to generate that feeling. You can do this!!!

The interesting thing to note is that most of the feelings necessary to reach any specific growth outcome are almost always feelings that we might find are uncomfortable or even “negative”. That is completely normal. Our brain is not comfortable doing things that take added energy, and put us at “risk”. Our brain views “failure” as a huge risk that should be avoided at all costs.

The truth is “failure” can be our greatest teacher and help us with the most growth. It is in the very act of pushing themselves back up and balancing themselves after a fall that babies develop the muscles and strength needed to learn to walk. But that is a different topic for a different day :).

When you decide a result you want, and would like some help finding your way to get there, I can help. Maybe you just need someone to help you notice what your current thoughts are bringing you. Our brains are tricky things, and what seems helpful and motivational may be doing just the opposite. That’s okay! We just need to become aware of it and redirect it. We can do that with the thoughts we choose.

If you want to work with me on reaching for a new result “Contact Me” and send me a quick email. If you prefer, you can “Schedule a Consult” for a free session to discuss what you want to work on and how to get started.

You can choose your own adventure (result :))! But you will need to begin by choosing your thoughts today! When you decide what direction you want to go you can make any result happen. You just have to be willing to do what it takes, and feel all the feelings along the way.

And as always…..Remember…..It’s ALL good!!

A Gift for Yourself This Christmas

In just 5 more days it is Christmas. Many of us are busying ourselves with the gifts and treats and all the things we do for others. But what are you giving yourself in the process?

What are you creating for yourself in the midst of all the hustle and bustle? Are you giving yourself the Christmas you want to create or are you too busy creating the Christmas everyone around around has come to expect of you?

You can totally focus on everyone else at Christmas, and it is highly encouraged… for women especially. Make sure you have the perfect gift….Set the beautiful table….The food and drinks, the décor, the atmosphere…..the cards and letters….and on and on. No time to be “selfish”; focus on others.

But what if a little time or money spent on yourself could make everyone’s holiday that much better? How is that possible you ask?

Well if I’m being perfectly honest, it probably isn’t possible, but it’s also not your job to make everyone else’s holiday wonderful.

But chances are, others might feel differently about the holidays if you were acting differently. The underlying current of resentment and/or overwhelm has an untold effect on how you interact with others as well.

So this year what if you gave yourself the gift of a different feeling?

What is it you want to feel this Christmas? Is it overwhelm? Is it “not-enough-ness”? Is it exhaustion? Those seem unlikely choices we would make, but that can be what we are giving ourselves in this whole process.

If we go back to the premise that it is our thoughts that generate our feelings/emotions then how would you choose to feel? If we were at a fancy party together and the caterer came up to us with a beautiful fancy silver tray, and on it were all the emotions, what would you choose?

For myself, I am choosing contentment. I have long list of all the things that “should” get done for Christmas. I have an extensive “manual” for what the holiday “should” look like and how all the people around me “should” behave. But the fact of the matter is, even having had this “manual” for several decades now, the holiday rarely looks or plays out the way my manual says it should for it to be a success.

For too long I have judged myself (and others) because the result didn’t match the imaginary, and in so doing have brought some uncomfortable feelings into my life. Not all uncomfortable feelings are “bad” necessarily, but many of them are not at all helpful. A good portion of the uncomfortable feelings we generate for ourselves are just an added measure of suffering due to our own feelings of shame, guilt, disappointment, judgement (for ourselves and others), comparison, and over all not-enoughness.

The thing to learn is that those “added” feelings can be completely optional. Yes we can feel disappointed that someone acted in a way that we didn’t like. But we can still choose how we want to show up in response to that. My goal is to show up for them, and more importantly for myself, with love and compassion.

We can create the holiday that we want for ourselves no matter what others may or may not do.

For us to be able to do this we need to recognize what thoughts will help us generate the feelings we want. And we don’t want to do this in such a way that we are pretending everything is perfect and wonderful. I have learned that I can choose to feel content even when things don’t go according to plan.

What if we could allow everyone to feel however they want to feel this holiday? I might look different than years past but that might be exactly what we all need, this year especially.

The opportunity to show up as our authentic selves and allow others that same freedom is quite a gift, indeed!

Are you giving yourself the Christmas you want to create or are you too busy creating the Christmas everyone around you has come to expect of you?

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

Not all uncomfortable feelings are “bad” necessarily, but many of them are not helpful at all. A good portion of the uncomfortable feelings we generate for ourselves are just an added measure of suffering due to our own feelings of shame, guilt, disappointment, judgement (for ourselves and others) comparison, and over all not-enoughness.

If you need some help with this gift to yourself, you want to work with me learning how to create this gift by hitting the “Contact Me” link and sending me a quick email. If you prefer, you can “Schedule a Consult” for a free 45 minute session to discuss what you want and how to get there.

There is still time to get this gift! There are no supply chain issues that will hold up delivery. But it is up to you. You can decide! You can begin to be intentional about your thoughts. It is a gift that is priceless, and keeps on giving. Not only to you but to your loved ones and friends. They will begin to notice a difference in you.

And as always…..Remember…..It’s ALL good!!

Year End Practices

We are in the month of December and less than 4 weeks away from a new year. What are your plans for the next 4 weeks?

Do you have lots of holiday parties to plan? Or to attend? Concerts to enjoy? Decorating to do? Cookies and other goodies to bake? Gifts to buy and wrap?

Have you scheduled a time to evaluate the previous year?

Look back and take note of the things you have done. What worked well? What did not work well? Did you have some “failures” in there?

For most of my life, I have not done this. Whenever I might have thought about looking at the past year a few things happened…..

  • my brain started with the exponentially long list of things that I didn’t accomplish that I planned to do
  • my brain started enumerating the many things I presently “should” be doing instead of “wasting” my time with this
  • my brain started searching out and finding all the many varied ways that I had failed.

Not surprising that I didn’t make a regular practice of it sooner!! 🙂

My husband and I were talking just a few days ago about the change in our current life. As the parents of six kids the past 25+ years have been filled with multiple activities on multiple (if not all) days of the week; driving to and from practices, games, concerts, recitals, etc.

This year has felt like the most dramatic adjustment. I mean our kids have been leaving us/moving out/ moving out of state for over 8 years now. So what makes this year different?

In September, our youngest son (18) moved out of state. We now had just our youngest daughter (16) at home with us.

Our kids have always been heavily involved in athletics so it was not uncommon for one or more of our kids to be participating in 2 sports at the same time through junior high and high school. This year started out similar but only on a smaller scale.

Our daughter is a soccer player who decided to join the varsity football team this year. The first 6 weeks of her school year looked like:

  • Football practice at 5:30 am at the high school
  • Showering at the school for classes to start at 7:30am
  • going to class from 7:30 to 2:20 with no lunch
  • Coming home and 3 nights a week going to soccer practice from 8-9:30 pm
  • Football games on Friday nights
  • Soccer games and tournaments on Saturdays/Sundays
  • Student Council responsibilities, etc.
  • As well as the social life of a teenager 😉

This made my life a little busy since she wasn’t driving yet.

But as my husband and I were discussing, we are at a strange point in our lives where we have SO. MUCH. TIME. Relatively speaking.

Our busy, over scheduled daughter got injured in game #3 of the football season. The recovery for her injury is 6-9 months. For us that means no soccer games, or tournaments, no practices 3 nights a week. No choir concerts or band concerts.

We have time.

I am working for myself. Starting a private coaching practice and deciding what that should look like, how it will work, and what I need to do to make that happen is new territory for me. And as much as my brain tells me to “hustle” and “grind” to bring it all into reality, that is not the life I want to design for myself so I am taking my time. I am allowing things to develop organically. I am not acting desperate and needy for this to make tons of money because that is not my motivation. I want to alleviate some of the mental weight I see others carrying around with them. Weight loss is part of my new endeavor……… but it’s the mental weight loss that I love the most.

Look back and take note of the things you have done. What worked well? What did not work well? Did you have some failures in there?

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

We were not meant to only go through this life, in this world, being acted upon and reacting to various situations. We were made to be beings that that act for themselves. We were created to be creators. We can create the life we want but it will take work.

And that is where my personal work lies as well. You see as this year comes to an end, I am making a list of all the things that happened week to week during 2021. As we are in week 50 of 52 it is an extensive list. It has taken me hours to compile. But before I started making the list my brain was telling me I hadn’t done all that much. It’s a lie!!!

I’m not saying I am some anomaly or crazy effective person, but I have done things that hold value for me in creating the life I want for myself and my family. If I am including important events, family gatherings, friendly get-togethers, significant projects and the like, it is a list I like looking at.

Next, I will take the list and place those significant events into several aspects of who I am and who I am becoming. Areas such as

  • Person life, Family
  • Career, Studies
  • Friends, Community
  • Relaxation, Hobbies, Creativity
  • Physical Health, Fitness
  • Mental Health, Self-Knowledge
  • Habits

I can evaluate the things I have learned, improved on, been surprised by, completed, done for others, risked, and decided for my self. I can reflect on what I can be proud of, people who influenced me, people I influenced, things I didn’t accomplish, what I have discovered about myself, and what I am most grateful for.

I can look at how I accomplished the things that I did accomplish and discover the actions that made it happen. I can examine the challenges I faced and how I worked to overcome them. I can recognize the people who helped me in both of those areas.

I can ask for and offer forgiveness for those around me and most importantly for myself. I can offer myself closure for the things of 2021 that I can now just let go of.

From that place of recognition and acknowledgement you can move forward into what you want to create for 2022. What do dream of for the new year? What do you want to love about yourself? What are you ready to let go of? What do you hope to achieve? Who can you rely on as you face challenges?

Decide this month who you want to become by December of 2022 and then formulate the plan…. The actions it will take, the emotions you will need to fuel those actions, the thoughts necessary generate those emotions.

We were not meant to only go through this life, in this world, being acted upon and reacting to various situations. We were made to be beings that act for themselves. We were created to be creators. We can create the life we want but it will take work. And as much as the blood, sweat and tears method works for a moderately sustainable time, will power will give out because it is a finite resource.

So what does it take other than will power? Self discipline? Tenacity? Being hyper-vigilant and self-critical to make yourself “better”?

What it will take is compassion. Compassion for ourselves when things don’t go as planned, for not knowing how, and for sometimes getting it wrong.

And it will take curiosity to look at how what others might view as failure is nothing more than an opportunity for growth and learning.

If you really want to make a change for yourself this year it starts with changing your thinking and the way you speak to yourself. This is what I mean by “mental weight loss”.

If you are ready to try a year end practice like this, check out yearcompass.com. Maybe you would like someone to help you as you navigate the process; someone who can help you see things from a different perspective. If you want to work with me on your year end practice of closing out the current year and planning the new year “Contact Me” and send me a quick email. If you prefer, you can “Schedule a Consult” for a free session to discuss what you want to work on and how to get started.

The best news ever is that you don’t even have to wait for January 1st!! You can decide today! You can make a small change today! You can begin to acknowledge your thoughts today! And from there you can decide what direction you want to go.

And as always…..Remember…..It’s ALL good!!

Gratitude and a Negativity Diet

It’s November 29, 2021. Here in the United States most of us celebrated Thanksgiving last week. I love Thanksgiving for many reasons, but mostly because of the simplicity it can be.

Decorations for this particular holiday can be elaborate or simple, or none at all. The food can be elaborate or simple. There are no gifts, or predesigned rituals (although we manage to create plenty of those for ourselves :)).

It is a day where we can make as much or as little of the celebration as we like. I like it because it is time I spend focusing on how much I have to be grateful for and being with family.

So how can we make thanksgiving last longer in our lives? Maybe not the abundance of food, but the mindset. How can we develop a practice of gratitude?

I was visiting with a friend today who told me about her married daughter who we will call Jane. Jane had set a goal for herself to have a “No Complaining November”. Jane did not tell anyone of this goal in the beginning. Personally, I thought that sounded like quite a challenge for me, not that I feel like a huge complainer, but I definitely can find reason to complain now and then, even if most often it is just to myself.

What was interesting to my friend, and her daughter, and to me as she recounted it, was how challenging it was the first week. Jane felt like she couldn’t recount what had happened during her work day without complaining, which had the mother feeling like her daughter was closed off in their conversation. Remember, Jane did not tell her mother what she was trying to do.

During week two Jane did tell her mother why she was acting differently and determined she could reframe what recounting her work day looked like. Jane could talk about work in a “non-complaining” way and the mother felt Jane was more open with her. A seemingly small adjustment.

In week three was when the “magic” happened! Jane started to recognize that she had greater mental space each day because she wasn’t complaining. It freed her up to more easily recognize all the many things she already was truly grateful for in her life. She didn’t feel burdened trying to “find” her gratitude. It naturally and organically improved as she complained less.

So what does this mean for me and you?

Our brain seems to be pre-wired with a negativity bias. In my preliminary learning it appears to be the way we evolved. But we don’t need to judge it too harshly because this bias for negativity came in handy when life was more precarious than our present day.

This negativity kept us safe. Being skeptical of unknown plants kept us alive rather than eating something harmful. Being afraid of what might be in the brush kept us watchful for saber-toothed tigers and other dangerous animals that might eat us. Being part of the group meant safety and security.

What if we are still using that primitive part of our brain even when there are no saber-toothed tigers? What if the “safety” of that negativity has outlasted its usefulness? What if it is actually diminishing our ability to see our life for what it really is, and what it truly could become?

What would be your “saber-toothed tigers” today? For me, they have included the following to name a few:

  • Being seen as less than perfect
  • Earning or proving my worth and value
  • Financial status – Bank balance
  • Other people’s opinions
  • Making myself more visible

But these modern-day saber-toothed tigers will not kill us. They just cause us to feel emotions that we would rather not feel because they are uncomfortable and/or “negative”. And in our world successful people are happy all the time!!! At least that is what all the marketing and advertising tells us.

Our brain appears to be pre-wired with a negativity bias. In my preliminary learning it appears to be the way we evolved. But we don’t need to judge it too harshly because this bias for negativity came in handy when life was more precarious than our present day.

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

If you subscribe to the belief that all of life can be 50-50, meaning 50% positive and 50% negative, how might this negativity bias be holding you back?

What might developing a practice of gratitude “open up” for you?

The other challenge that we face is that studies have shown that it takes 5 positive thoughts/experiences to offset one negative thought/experience. If you subscribe to the belief that all of life can be 50-50, meaning 50% positive and 50% negative, how might this negativity bias be holding you back? If it is held in our brain as a 5:1 ratio positive to negative, that makes our 50-50 life actually feel like 20% positive and 80% negative just because our brain holds on to the negative. What if life was actually 80% positive and 20% negative but this negativity bias skewed the balance?

What might developing a practice of gratitude “open up” for you? What if you decided, like Jane, to go on a “Negativity Diet”? What if you gave it up or restricted you negativity like you might restrict carbs or sugar? How much mental weight could you lose in a week? Two weeks? A month?

I am going to make a more intentional effort this month to restrict my “negativity” intake, or at least what I pack in my bag to carry around with me. I don’t believe it is possible to completely cut it out because I believe in neuroscience (I am a secret science nerd). But I do believe that even small efforts on my part can have dramatic effects on that same neuroscience. In fact, in some research it is believed to actually change our DNA and genetic markers. That possibility fascinates me.

Don’t get me wrong. I do not see my life as “Pollyanna”. There are definitely things that I choose to feel negatively about. However, I also don’t want my life to be like “Debbie Downer” either. Knowing that my brain is predisposed to the negative can help me make decisions for myself. I can consciously choose to “see” the positive and realize that more often than not the worst thing that can happen to me is just a feeling.

Maybe you are ready to try a new way of thinking. Maybe you are willing to do an experiment to see if it affects your emotions. Maybe your are open to trying something new. If you want to work with me on developing a practice of gratitude just “Contact Me” and send me a quick email. If you prefer, you can “Schedule a Consult” for a free session to discuss what you want to work on and how to get started.

And as always…..Remember…..It’s ALL good!!