The Real Problem – Part 1

SO……. what is the REAL Problem?

In any situation, in anything that maybe isn’t quite what you want it to be, whether it is a goal or result you are struggling working towards, or something that is causing you actual pain and suffering in some way, there is a problem.

Most often the actual “problem” is not a problem at all! It is something completely different. And that is the best place to start.

We can look at this as……

Circumstances verses Thoughts

So what is my definition of “Circumstances“?

Circumstances are the facts of any given situation.

They are the things that happen outside of us that we can not always control. They are not subject to opinion (yours or anyone else’s). Everyone would agree on the facts. You could prove them in a court of law.

My favorite descriptor is “The Math” of the story. There is no drama involved. Circumstances are completely neutral, and can tend to be really boring.

Examples of factual circumstances would be things like:

The weather = the actual temperature on the thermometer – It is 109 degrees outside

The traffic = the number of cars present moving at a particular rate of speed on specific roads

Laundry = the amount of clothes that are clean or dirty; folded clothes or unfolded clothes

Other people’s behavior = words they say or actions they take/don’t take in specific situations

The amount of money in your bank account = $X in my account

Our weight/number on the scale = the amount of gravitational pull on the mass of my body at any given moment

SO what are our “Thoughts“?

When circumstances happen around us, our brains then add meaning to those circumstances. That meaning is what I refer to as thoughts.

Thoughts are subjective. They are opinionated. Thoughts are the drama or the story we tell ourselves around the circumstance.

To decide if what is happening is a thought or a circumstance ask yourself, “Could this be proven in a court of law?” If the answer is no, it is a thought.

The reason this is so critical is because our thoughts are OPTIONAL. You can choose your thoughts!! If that weren’t true we would all think and feel the same way, and have the same opinions and stories about all the circumstances we face. We are all very different, and often we think about things differently, which proves that the circumstance itself is neutral.

The other reason that this is critical is because our thoughts are the reason for our feelings. The emotions that we feel are in response to the thoughts that we have, the meaning that we are adding to the circumstances.

In Part 2 we will look more at our thoughts in relation to our circumstances and how those thoughts influence our feelings.

If you want help in sorting out some of your circumstances and thoughts (“Math” vs “Drama” or “Fact” vs “Story”) click on the “Contact Me” button and send me an email. You can also click the “Schedule a Consult” button to have a free introductory coaching consult with me.

In the meantime, try looking at your own thoughts and circumstances and see what you notice. And maybe once we understand our thoughts and feelings a little more you can see why I say, “It’s all good!”

Remember…..It’s ALL good!!!

Most often the actual “problem” is not a problem at all! It is something completely different. And that is the best place to start.

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

What Even Is A Life Coach?

So…………

What even is a Life Coach? How is it different than a therapist?

What do you do exactly?

Why would I need a life coach?

Wouldn’t a therapist be better?

These are all questions that have come up, and I’m sure will continue to come up so I thought I would share with all of you.

What is the difference between life coaching and therapy?

I used to say that many therapist tend to focus on the past and help you reconcile things there, while a life coach helps you focus on the future and what you would like to create.

Now I usually answer in this way…….

If you had a surgery and needed help to get back to normal functioning, you would go see a physical therapist.

If you were mostly healthy but wanted to get stronger, you might hire a personal trainer.

Both are super valuable, and both have their place and expertise in helping you.

If you are in the process of recovering from unprocessed trauma, overwhelming grief, or the effects of addiction, or abuse, a therapist can be very beneficial helping you through that recovery.

If you are dealing with other less serious challenges, or are looking for another source of help because you feel like things could be better, I would recommend a life coach.

I am a personal trainer for your brain. Thoughts are optional. Seems unlikely though right? Your thoughts might be helping you or they might be holding you back. You can choose which ones you want to fuel your actions. It takes effort and practice.

Together we can look at the things you are struggling with and see if there is a different perspective that might help you move forward.

Do I have the answers to make your life better? No…. but I have tools that can help you determine those answers for yourself.

My goal is to “show” you how you’re currently thinking and how that leads to your current result. It is your decision to determine if you want to change that thinking or result and how. It can make all the difference in the world if you choose.

How do I know? Because I know what coaching has taught me. It has changed the way I think…… about myself, about my relationships, about the challenges I struggle with, about my life.

What I have learned and what I will help you learn just reinforces my overarching thought…..

Remember………It’s ALL good!

If you were mostly healthy but wanted to get stronger, you might hire a personal trainer.

I am a personal trainer for your brain.

Hello Friends!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

A New Adventure Begins!!

This is the beginning of a new experiment for me.

My current plan is to write a blog post each week; maybe I will do more. Maybe no one will read them. I guess time will tell. I’m not sure what it will look like or how it may change over time but it is a start and I can build from there.

For now I will just say that whatever this becomes is a way for me to continue learning and developing myself, and maybe guide others who are on a similar journey.

If I look back to how I arrived here, I could say it has taken me 51 years (I mean that’s how old I turned on my birthday last month :)). Or maybe this journey has been 16 or so years; that’s when I first had the thought that maybe I could become a Life Coach. But at that time I had small children that received nearly all of my attention and it didn’t seem possible.

The concentrated intention of this journey began roughly in 2018, when I was in a very different place mentally and emotionally. And I could never have scripted arriving to this point. That may be a story for a different day but for today, I am excited for where I am, and I am excited for the direction I am heading.

Over the past three years we have had lots of changes, some planned some not planned, and it has brought me challenges along with growth. Once I determined that I could choose the ways to grow that I wanted, my growth accelerated.

Now my hope is to share some of the ideas and tools I have learned with others who are looking to choose their growth or navigate the “surprise” growth they are currently experiencing.

There is an old African proverb that I loves which says,

If you want to go fast, go alone.

If you want to go far, go together.

-African Proverb

I want to bring as many people with me as possible, and want to see how far we can go!!

Remember……… It’s ALL good!

The concentrated intention of this journey began roughly in 2018, when I was in a very different place mentally and emotionally.

Hello Friends!

Hi!

I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.