And now back to our regularly scheduled programming……..and with several examples to illustrate, this one may seem long too. Or maybe it’s just me being long-winded 🙂
So with last week’s short detour, now we can take a look at how some complete models could look, depending on our thoughts and feelings.
Remember our model…..
CIRCUMSTANCES lead to
THOUGHTS which create our
FEELINGS which drives our
ACTIONS which creates our
RESULTS which is evidence supporting our thought
Now that we have the whole model, let’s look at some of our original examples to see how the model would play out in each case.
Circumstance – The weather = the actual temperature on the thermometer – It is 109 degrees outside
Thought A – It’s miserable hot outside today and I have so much to do!
Feeling – dread
Action – complain to others about the temperature, “scan for problems”, lose focus on the things I need to get done, ruminate on all the bad things
Result – I create a miserable day for myself
OR…….
Thought B – What a beautiful Day!!
Feeling – Joy
Action – look at opportunities, focus on tasks at hand, encourage others actions,
Result – I create a beautiful day for myself
Circumstance – The traffic = the number of cars present moving at a particular rate of speed on specific roads
Thought A – This is taking forever!! I’m going to be late and look bad for work!
Feeling – Frustration
Action – drive more aggressively, act apologetic, make it a big deal that I’m late, short tempered with co-workers,
Result – I look bad because I don’t like the way I am showing up at work
OR….
Thought B – This might be a while. I have time to call my sister!
Feeling – Efficient
Action – make calls, catch up on audio book or podcast, think of other things that I can use the time to accomplish, look for positive outcomes
Result – I use the time wisely to continue the things I can accomplish
We can see more of what we are creating, sometimes unknowingly, for our own lives. And when we are willing to take a look at that as an observer, not as a critic or judge, that is where our true power lies.
I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.
Circumstance – Other people’s behavior = words they say or actions they take/don’t take in specific situations
Thought A – That was so rude of her!!
Feeling – Defensive
Action – don’t speak to her, complain about her to others, think of other times this may have happened
Result – I act rudely in my response to her and towards others
OR…..
Thought B – I wonder if she is doing okay? That’s not usually like her.
Feeling – Curious
Action – talk to her, find out what is going on for her, allow her grace and understanding
Result – I show up with compassion and grace for her and for myself
Circumstance – The amount of money in your bank account = $X in my account
Thought A – I’m not good with money. When will I ever figure this out?
Feeling – Irresponsible
Action – avoid looking at account balances, don’t pay attention to spending, ignore communication from bank
Result – I prove to myself that I am not good with money because I don’t take responsibility for my choices
OR…..
Thought B – Good thing I have been budgeting this month. I am figuring this out.
Feeling – Empowered
Action – track spending, make a plan for my money, follow through with decisions on purchases,
Result – I find evidence for how I am figuring it out. I am accountable.
Circumstance – Our weight/number on the scale = the amount of gravitational pull on the mass of my body at any given moment
Thought A – I will never lose weight! Something is wrong with me.
Feeling – Shame
Action – emotional eating, not treating my body well, judge my actions harshly, beat up on myself for past mistakes with eating
Result – I don’t lose weight and continue to look for external “problems”
OR…..
Thought B – Well that math adds up. Good thing my body is still working for me and doing what I ask it to do.
Feeling – Acceptance
Action – let go of past judgments, speak to myself with compassion and curiosity, treat myself kindly and make choices that would be more advantageous for my body, appreciate the good that my body does
Result – I notice how my body is working for me and I work to make healthier choices for my body.
Notice how the different emotions fuel very different actions in each of these examples. That could lead you to think that the “problem” is the emotion we are feeling, but remember….. All problems are thought problems. We will talk more about emotions next time. If we look for the thought behind the emotion we can be more aware of where our true power lies.
This is not to say that some thoughts upon examination are thoughts we need to keep any longer. That may be true in some cases, but in most cases, it will serve you more to just question the thought, and try to determine in what ways it might be serving you. How is the thought true? How is the thought not true?
If you put that thought in a model and complete it, are your achieving the results you are working towards? That is the power of using the model. We can see more of what we are creating, sometimes unknowingly, for our own lives. And when we are willing to take a look at that as an observer, not as a critic or judge, that is where our true power lies. We can begin to create our results, by fostering the emotion necessary to motivate the actions. And we foster those emotions by intentional thoughts and mindfulness.
What results are you struggling to create? Is it losing those 20 pounds of “baby weight”? (My baby is sixteen now 🙂 I am finally losing the weight) Is it letting go of some of the overwhelm that seems to fill your days and life? Is it just allowing yourself to be a human who is not perfect but continues to show up authentically for yourself and others?
If you would like help in finding the results you are creating, or if you want to work through how to achieve the results you are after with me just “Contact Me” and send me a quick email. Or you can “Schedule a Consult” for a free session to discuss what you want to work on and how to get started.
And as always…..Remember…..It’s ALL good!!
Michelle Keil Coaching 