A Gift for Yourself This Christmas

In just 5 more days it is Christmas. Many of us are busying ourselves with the gifts and treats and all the things we do for others. But what are you giving yourself in the process?

What are you creating for yourself in the midst of all the hustle and bustle? Are you giving yourself the Christmas you want to create or are you too busy creating the Christmas everyone around around has come to expect of you?

You can totally focus on everyone else at Christmas, and it is highly encouraged… for women especially. Make sure you have the perfect gift….Set the beautiful table….The food and drinks, the décor, the atmosphere…..the cards and letters….and on and on. No time to be “selfish”; focus on others.

But what if a little time or money spent on yourself could make everyone’s holiday that much better? How is that possible you ask?

Well if I’m being perfectly honest, it probably isn’t possible, but it’s also not your job to make everyone else’s holiday wonderful.

But chances are, others might feel differently about the holidays if you were acting differently. The underlying current of resentment and/or overwhelm has an untold effect on how you interact with others as well.

So this year what if you gave yourself the gift of a different feeling?

What is it you want to feel this Christmas? Is it overwhelm? Is it “not-enough-ness”? Is it exhaustion? Those seem unlikely choices we would make, but that can be what we are giving ourselves in this whole process.

If we go back to the premise that it is our thoughts that generate our feelings/emotions then how would you choose to feel? If we were at a fancy party together and the caterer came up to us with a beautiful fancy silver tray, and on it were all the emotions, what would you choose?

For myself, I am choosing contentment. I have long list of all the things that “should” get done for Christmas. I have an extensive “manual” for what the holiday “should” look like and how all the people around me “should” behave. But the fact of the matter is, even having had this “manual” for several decades now, the holiday rarely looks or plays out the way my manual says it should for it to be a success.

For too long I have judged myself (and others) because the result didn’t match the imaginary, and in so doing have brought some uncomfortable feelings into my life. Not all uncomfortable feelings are “bad” necessarily, but many of them are not at all helpful. A good portion of the uncomfortable feelings we generate for ourselves are just an added measure of suffering due to our own feelings of shame, guilt, disappointment, judgement (for ourselves and others), comparison, and over all not-enoughness.

The thing to learn is that those “added” feelings can be completely optional. Yes we can feel disappointed that someone acted in a way that we didn’t like. But we can still choose how we want to show up in response to that. My goal is to show up for them, and more importantly for myself, with love and compassion.

We can create the holiday that we want for ourselves no matter what others may or may not do.

For us to be able to do this we need to recognize what thoughts will help us generate the feelings we want. And we don’t want to do this in such a way that we are pretending everything is perfect and wonderful. I have learned that I can choose to feel content even when things don’t go according to plan.

What if we could allow everyone to feel however they want to feel this holiday? I might look different than years past but that might be exactly what we all need, this year especially.

The opportunity to show up as our authentic selves and allow others that same freedom is quite a gift, indeed!

Are you giving yourself the Christmas you want to create or are you too busy creating the Christmas everyone around you has come to expect of you?

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I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.

Not all uncomfortable feelings are “bad” necessarily, but many of them are not helpful at all. A good portion of the uncomfortable feelings we generate for ourselves are just an added measure of suffering due to our own feelings of shame, guilt, disappointment, judgement (for ourselves and others) comparison, and over all not-enoughness.