Today I want to speak a little bit about creating your own results.
We have talked about the model and how our circumstances are neutral; our thoughts about the circumstances create our feelings; our feelings drive all our actions; our actions give us our results.
So what if you start with a result that you want to achieve and work your way backwards? What does that look like?
So instead of the model following in order of Circumstance>Thought>Feeling>Action>Result let’s reverse that to Result<Action<Feeling<Thought<Circumstance.
In both cases the circumstance can be the same. And you can still create a different result. I will use weight loss as a example.
First, we will start with the following model:
- C – I weigh 175 pounds
- T – I need to lose 25 pounds
- F – Overwhelmed
- A – try to find “the best” way to lose weight, not deciding on or making any effort to change my actions, soothe myself with food, judge my current weight, beat myself up for not being more disciplined, etc.
- R – I don’t lose any weight and sometimes even gain more weight
It is just an observation of what is presently happening. Thinking that I need to lose 25 pounds sounds very motivating, but in reality it brings a feeling of overwhelm which can lead to the opposite actions from what will get me to where I want to go.
So let’s reverse the model and see how that can help us. I like to think of it as a “Choose Your Own Adventure”….(does anyone else remember reading those books as a kid?)
We will start with the same circumstance, but work from the result that we want to achieve as follows:
- R – I weigh 150 pounds
- A – ???
- F – ???
- T – ???
- C – I weigh 175 pounds
So to complete our new model we need to get curious about ourselves.
What are the actions that will help me get to 150 pounds?
If we reduce it strictly to math and science, the only way for anyone to lose any weight, ever, is a calorie deficit. Consume fewer calories than you burn.
So that’s one action. But there is more to it as well. You need to look at all the aspects of helping your body work well….. are you getting enough sleep? drinking enough water? choosing healthier options when you do eat? eating when you are actually hungry, not when you are bored, lonely, sad, tired and stressed? are you moving your body?
And what are you telling yourself in the process? Will this result be what makes you feel better about yourself? Will you be more wothy when you weigh less? We know that isn’t possible because losing weight won’t change our feeling…that requires changing our thoughts.
So our model is getting more complete:
- R – I weigh 150 pounds
- A – eat only when hungry, drink half my body weight in in ounces of water each day water, sleep 7 hours, move my body more, no judgements or shame
- F – ???
- T – ???
- C – I weigh 175 pounds
So what if you start with a result that you want to achieve and work your way backwards? What does that look like?
I’m Michelle. I am learning how to minimize my overwhelm, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and I am ready to help you do the same. I’m a certified Life Coach and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Come with me and learn how.
Our brains are tricky things, and what seems helpful and motivational may be doing just the opposite. That’s okay! We just need to become aware of it and redirect it. We can do that with the thoughts we choose.
Knowing some of the actions necessary to reach our desired result, what feeling would motivate us, and fuel those actions? We have seen overwhelm doesn’t work. Maybe for you it is a feeling of determination. Or it could be a feeling of commitment. What about a feeling of love for yourself? How would those feelings motivate you to act and “speak” to yourself? One of the best questions to find the feeling can be, “Why?” Why would you choose to do all the actions?
We will chose commitment for this example:
- R – I weigh 150 pounds
- A – eat only when hungry, drink half my body weight in in ounces of water each day water, sleep 7 hours, move my body more, no judgements or shame
- F – Commitment
- T – ???
- C – I weigh 175 pounds
Getting curious again, what will you need to think to feel that commitment? Let me tell you what commitment never seems to come from: any statement that contains the words “should”, “have to”, or even “need to”. For me to be committed, I choose to be the one deciding. My commitment comes from thoughts like, “I am choosing to do this for myself.” or “This may be hard, but I have done hard things before”. Maybe it’s something like “I want to take care of myself and my body”. Again we can ask ourselves “Why?”.
- R – I weigh 150 pounds
- A – eat only when hungry, drink half my body weight in in ounces of water each day water, sleep 7 hours, move my body more, no judgements or shame
- F – Commitment
- T – I want to take care of myself and my body
- C – I weigh 175 pounds
Now we have a model to work with that can actually help us to achieve the results we are working towards. And now we can see how we can start with a result to achieve any result we choose.
What is a result you want? Get clear on it. Determine the steps involved to get you there. Now determine what you will need to feel that will fuel you to work through the necessary steps. Choose what you want to think to generate that feeling. You can do this!!!
The interesting thing to note is that most of the feelings necessary to reach any specific growth outcome are almost always feelings that we might find are uncomfortable or even “negative”. That is completely normal. Our brain is not comfortable doing things that take added energy, and put us at “risk”. Our brain views “failure” as a huge risk that should be avoided at all costs.
The truth is “failure” can be our greatest teacher and help us with the most growth. It is in the very act of pushing themselves back up and balancing themselves after a fall that babies develop the muscles and strength needed to learn to walk. But that is a different topic for a different day :).
When you decide a result you want, and would like some help finding your way to get there, I can help. Maybe you just need someone to help you notice what your current thoughts are bringing you. Our brains are tricky things, and what seems helpful and motivational may be doing just the opposite. That’s okay! We just need to become aware of it and redirect it. We can do that with the thoughts we choose.
If you want to work with me on reaching for a new result “Contact Me” and send me a quick email. If you prefer, you can “Schedule a Consult” for a free session to discuss what you want to work on and how to get started.
You can choose your own adventure (result :))! But you will need to begin by choosing your thoughts today! When you decide what direction you want to go you can make any result happen. You just have to be willing to do what it takes, and feel all the feelings along the way.
And as always…..Remember…..It’s ALL good!!